Sherlock Imagines [ Book 1 ]

The Light Behind Your Eyes

Type: Songfic (the light behind your eyes by My Chemical Romance)

Pairing: Sherlock x Reader

Warnings: self harm, suicidal intention, THIS SONG WILL MAKE YOU CRY

So long to all my friends, everyone of them met tragic ends

It hurt him.

It hurt so fucking much for him to see her like this.

He watched from a distance, or from the camera's Mycroft had installed for him. He wanted to be there, he wanted to hold her, but he couldn't, he was forced to watch her fall apart. He missed her, he wanted her. He currently stood in the rain storm, it provided excellent cover for him as he watched her walk through the streets, her hands buried in her pockets, her head hung as if weights were attached to it, her shoulders slumped. Everyday she would walk to St Barts, expecting him to appear out of the shadows.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss them all tonight

Her (hair length) locks were plastered to her face, her eyes empty and broken. He could smell her cigarette smoke from here, she was killing herself in every way possible. From smoking to drinking to the scars that covered her wrists. It was his fault she was like this. She stared at the top of the building, he could see the gears turning in her head as she came to sense with what had happened. Her mind was a dark swirling pool of chaos, of darkness, hurt, betrayal all these things brought new scars to him and her.

and only if only they knew would I would say if I could be with you tonight

She stared at the building, to most people, she would blend in with the crowds of people. Lost in a sea of average people leading average lives, but she was so much more to average. And because of him she felt like nothing, he'd rather carry the burden of that guilt rather than knowing she was dead because he didn't jump. She wiped away tears with the back of her hand, pausing to look at reflection in the glass window. She appeared to be placing her hair back into place the best she could, she had heavy makeup coating her face, hiding dark circles that dared to peek through. It'd been two years and she'd still stopped here everyday, he was the one who helped her hold her broken pieces together, and when he left her she crumbled.

Never let them take the light behind your eyes, one day I'll lose this fight

She made her way to Scottland yard, she shoved her hands in her pockets. She entered the building, instantly met by Donovan with an armful of paperwork. "You've got to stop stopping. He's dead." She said shortly, shoving the papers into (your name)'s arms. She just took it, making her way past various people. Each oblivious to the girl who was like a large beautiful glass window, the pieces breaking away piece by piece. Her eyes were glazed over like freshly glass as she stared down at the papers, she shifted through them. Her movements were stiff and mechanical, as if she wasn't truly present, her body was here but her mind was somewhere else.

As we fade in the dark, just remember you will always burn as bright

She was slowly fading and it hurt him. With every scar that was carved in her flesh were ones in his heart, he was fully aware he was being a stalker, that watching her wasn't right. But he felt that if he stopped for even a fraction of a second she would disappear. That her small skinny form would be blown away. Sherlock flipped off his phone, the feed from Scottland yard had only been playing moments ago. He took a deep breath, looking up at the sky.

Be strong and hold my hand, time comes for us, soon you'll understand

He had to tell her, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. He walked down the street, his fingers brushing the box of cigarettes in his pocket. He needed to know she would be okay, he wanted to hold her close, to do all the things he'd failed at before. It was only now he realized that there were many nights while he was fast asleep she would let soft, silent sobs escape. She had carefully placed the scars under the band of her underwear to where he couldn't see a difference in her clothing choice. ( sorry if it sounds weird but it's what i do )