An Outlet: Part 2

11 July, 2017.

Remember I gave an interview for a post in the W.O.R.D club in college?

Well, today were the final announcements. And I still didn't have my specs back. Why did important things have to happen when I am not available in college.

Anyways, I got up at 10 and continued with my normal chores.

I started watching Quantico Season 2. I had watched the first season and couple of episodes of the second season when it aired on TV in 2016. But then the show took a gap in the middle and I completely forgot about it until it was too late to watch it.

Quantico's storyline moves way too past to just catch up from the middle so I had decided to watch the entire season later on. And that later on was today. I'm already catching up on things that I didn't do the first time I watched it, ofcourse because I've watched a couple of episodes before.

At around 1:40 PM, I get a call from Paula Ma'am. Yesterday, she had asked if anyone from the Content Team (that I'm a part of) would be available to stay back after school to attend a seminar. I had grudgingly refused because of my specs situation. As soon as I declined, I knew I would never get that position. Ms. Paula needed some form of dedication and I, unfortunately, could not show it.

So her call was a bit unexpected. She asked if I was in college. When I told her I am not, she asked me if I could come to college right then. Because I had bagged a spot in the WORD Committee. I was really ecstatic when I heard that. But then I realised that I wouldn't be able to come because

A) She required me to be in college by 2 and that was impossible.

And B) My fucking specs situation!!

Honestly, specs situation wasn't that bad. I can see with my old specs, just not that clearly. I can go out with them if I really want to, but I just wanted to be careful.

This is why, I regretted as soon as I told her I couldn't come to college. I knew then that my position was compromised. Ms. Paula wouldn't want a team member who didn't care to even show up at the appointment ceremony.

I began thinking about how I wanted to do something substantial this year and how I just easily gave it up. I finally had the chance to get recognised (not that I was dying to get recognition) in front of the faculty and student body, and not be on the sidelines. I was finally getting a chance to fulfil one of my goals this year and I threw it away. I felt really bad and defeated after that.

I called up Paloma to cool down for a bit and it worked. I told her about my dillemma and she made me not feel so bad about it. Then we spoke about her college life and ultimately decided to meet up... To get our passing certificates from our old college.

So I was in a good head space when Kristen messaged me: "Congratulationss!! You're the VP!" And my happiness knew no bounds.

I wasn't replaced! I still had my position intact! As a Vice President of the Club! One position higher than what I aimed for! I was really excited when Ms. Paula herself called me up and told me about my position. She also told me about my team with whom I'll be working with the entire year. I still have to get to know my juniors but I'm guessing they're nice people.

And I'm not the only one who bagged a VP position. Kristen and Darcy, both bagged the VP position for two different clubs. I'm really happy for all of us!

Even if my club is the smallest and not the most popular club out there, I'm happy that I get to have a leadership position in something that I like. And I'm very proud of it.

But now that I have been officially named as a Vice President, there are new apprehensions that are killing me. What if I am not suited for this role? I say that I like reading but I haven't read much of the classics. I've never read a non fiction book apart from academics. What if people think I'm a good for nothing? What if I'm not able to get any ideas for the club? What if everyone starts leaving the club because of inactivity? What if my juniors are better than me and doubt my position?

I've come to terms with the fact that I will have irrational (or rational) fears in all points of my life, in every decision I make. I just need to have the willpower to overcome my fears and barriers that I have staged for myself.

So easy. Not.