An Outlet: Part 2

1 November, 2017.

Today was one of those mile stone moments for me. 

I like to think that I am a very good girl, by society's standards. I am a soft spoken nerd who kinda gets good grades, does not get wasted every Friday night, in fact, doesn't even have a night life. Someone who doesn't wear revealing clothes, doesn't do drugs, who is attached to her family, who doesn't get into hook ups, in fact, haven't even gone as far as the first base, etc. etc. etc.

So everytime I cross that line, it is a big thing for me.

I got tipsy today. I still think I am. I'll just leave it at this for now. Let me first explain the events that led to this point.

Today, in college, we had demo lectures for all the 5 electives. Portfolio definitely is heavily based on theoretical stuff but I'm game dude. I've been wanting to do to this for quite some time now and if I'm getting an opportunity to do just that, I'm not leaving it.

We were asked to rank our preferences then and there and this was my list:

1] Portfolio Management
2] Tech a Peek
3] Sustainable Project
4] Design Thinking
5] Start-up incubation

These demo lectures were supposed to go from 9AM to 1PM but it got over at 11AM itself. We had our Entrepreneurship Project 1 today which was scheduled for 3:40 PM. That's a lot of time to kill.

At first we decided to go to the nearby mall but ended up spending time in the complex cafeteria. I even slept for a good half an hour.

But the presentations did not start on time, did they? They started 1 hour late which meant that my group's time slot shifted to 4:40PM. Grrr...

To kill some more time, one of my group mates initiated this game where each one of us says 1 good and 1 bad thing about every person (my group for all of my projects so far have been people who I currently hang out with).  I was very uncomfortable with this idea because I play this only with people who I'm really really close to. Like I can play this with my school friends but it was going to be really difficult with these bunch of people.

The common 'bad thing' that everyone said about me was that I'm moody. For me, being moody is not necessarily a bad thing but yeah, I'm HELLA moody. Even my Insta bio says it.

4:40PM rolled in but the previous groups were still not done with theirs. One group, whose slot was slated after us, was trying to get done before us. Was my group going to let that happen? Hell no. These people mostly get away with everything they want but that will not happen everytime. They cannot get what they want all the time. They have to stop manipulating situations and play by the rules for once. So there was a lot of tension and a cold war atmosphere at that time but we settled it. That group will present tomorrow.

Some of my group mates wanted to present tomorrow too but Gurtley and I were hell bent on presenting today. Here are the reasons why:

1] We were all thoroughly prepared for our presentation

2] I had worn formal clothes complete with a blazer two times in a row. I wasn't ready to wear it for one more day.

3] We had been waiting ever since morning for our turn and it would be such a waste if we left now. We didn't wait so long for nothing. I was sure that everyone would feel guilty if we went home without presenting.

4] We had a cold war with that other group and had taken full efforts to not let them present out of turn today, which ultimately led to them deciding to present tomorrow. It would be extremely foolish to leave after doing all of that.

5] We waited for so long, there's no harm in waiting for some more time. Patience is the key.

We finally got to present at 6:30PM. We were the last group to present. Overall, our presentation went well. Our professor screwed us over one technical aspect of the project but he was pretty impressed by how detailed our presentation was. So I guess it was a win.

So today's college day was pretty long but my day wasn't over yet. I had a party to attend.

One of my cousin sisters turns 18 today and her family had kept a party for her. Friends and all family members were invited. And I knew there was going to be booze at this party. Mom and Dad now know that Alex drinks and even I've had a couple of sips. Alex asked them if he could drink and they gave him a hesitant no. But we all knew what was going to happen.

We reached pretty late cause I came home past 7:30PM, the place was 2 and a half hours away, I had horrible sense of direction today and the traffic wasn't fucking moving. I danced with my cousins and was having a great time. Alex on the other hand went on to have a drink or two. My cousin Amanda then came up to me and asked me to try a drink. She asked the bar tender to make a vodka and berry drink cause she knows that I cannot stand bitter and I like sweet drinks. I had a taste and did not like it that much. Yes, it was sweet but it was bitter too. Then I remembered Nova's sleepover and how the taste didn't last for long. If you take small sips, the taste will prevail.

I chugged the entire drink. Yep. I don't know what I was thinking.

Honesty, until today, I didn't get the whole fuss about alcohol. I refused to believe that alcohol could make you lose control of yourself. I used to think that drunk me is the same as sleepy me. But this was different.

As I walked with Alex for him to get another drink, I immediately felt woozy. I was swaying to one side without my knowledge. It fucking scared me. I've heard people feel happy when they get tipsy but I did not like it one bit. Maybe because I was surrounded by my family. In the beginning my ego came in the way and I didn't want Alex to know that I was tipsy with just one drink (he was on his fourth) but I had never felt like this before and I needed him to handle me. I told him and he didn't leave my side for the rest of the night. Thank god for good brothers.

Let's talk more about my experience. I think instead of being happy, I was depressed when I got the first hit. I couldn't believe this was happening to me and I did not like the fact that I wasn't able to completely control myself and that my actions felt a bit delayed. I thought I was stronger than this.

On my way back, I felt like I was ready to do everything a bad girl would do. I don't know where that came from but it did. As in I consciously felt that way.

I'm home now. I've sobered up but I still have that slight buzz. Alex is busy driving a moth out of our room and it is a hilarious sight.

Maybe I should go help him.