An Outlet: Part 2

28 November, 2017.

Today wasn't a good day for me.

So this year a couple of students (including me) had been given a position of being class representatives and academic representatives. I was pretty stoked when I got that news because the decision was entirely taken by the faculty.

As an AR, my duty was too look after the academics from the students' side and convey grievances, if any, to the management. Basically, we were supposed to be the link between both of these entities.

But none of that happened. Our Year Master is one confused chick. She didn't discuss any academic related stuff with us, never called us for meetings to get feedback, never took any of our suggestions which then made everyone question our powers. Very soon, people directly went to her with their queries and successfully got stuff changed. What the fuck bro? She doesn't listen to a committee she made for this purpose but she will listen to random ass people.

This made everyone lose faith in our position. We weren't given importance at all. We weren't even considered to be members of the student council and our jobs reduced to literally only taking attendance.

So yesterday, suddenly out of nowhere, our Year Master messages us that the first years are having their report card day and we need to be there to talk to parents. DAFAQ BRO?! She doesn't contact us for months altogether and when she does, THIS is what she asks of us?! We wouldn't have mind doing it as an ADDITIONAL task but the fact that she remembered us only when she needed fucking VOLUNTEERS pissed us off. It was completely unacceptable.

All the ARs and CRs collectively decided to boycott the meeting which then made our Year Master flip and she threatened to strip us off our positions (Or whatever is left of it. Lol.)

I was hell-bent on not going today but my Batch Representative convinced me otherwise. We all decided to show our faces and then have a meeting with her to tell her what is on our minds.

So this is the frustrating part what happened yesterday. Now on to today.

I reached college at around 9AM and met all my peeps. Since I was the only AR without a blazer, she asked me to join the other volunteers. Balls to that. I'm not going away from my ARs and CRs. I watched the entire FY award ceremony. Three FYs got an award for their contribution to WORD. The Dean even mentioned how she gets a report on the same night of the event from those kids. Bullshit! These lazy fucks didn't do shit. It was Paul, me and the Prez (to some extent) who did all the work. These fuckers are getting felecitated for something WE did. That didn't feel nice. One bit.

I ignored most of them after the ceremony. They should feel ashamed of themselves for getting an award they don't deserve.

Our next instructions were to guide the parents but we ARs and CRs quietly went the fuck away from that place and attended our regular lectures.

Before leaving, I overheard a couple of First Years talking to each other. I had never seen them before but they seemed the rich bastard kind. I was standng there when I heard one of them say "Ay, Word Club is a failed club right?" And it fucking hurt to hear that. They didn't even know that I am the Vice President of the club they were currently bashing. I wanted to get out of that place fast. I couldn't get that conversation out of my head for the rest of the day after that.

Today, my division had Creative Studios. I went and sat next to my friends. In the beginning I wasn't talking to anyone but I later thought I'd take an effort to join the conversation. Everything was going well until the Marketing Project topic came up and they began discussing about that. Since I was not in their group I quickly slipped away from them.

At that point I did feel quite lonely. Especially when I saw another group (one of those who seem to get what they want) enjoying themselves and having fun with each other. On the other hand, I wanted to be alone too. I didn't think I'd have any positive conversations with anyone at that moment.

After college ended, we ARs and CRs (let's call it the Academic Committee or AC) were supposed to meet with our year master and express our anger but we couldn't find her anywhere. Apparently the faculty and management had a meeting at that time. Everyone then went away. Honestly, I know we couldn't do anything in that situation but I feel like I'm the only one who really wants to stand up to her and tell her how unfair she's being with us. The others seem to chicken out. They don't seem dedicated enough to sort this out. They want to rant shit about the management on an unofficial WhatsApp group but when asked to say it to the person on their face, they don't seem to have the balls to do it. This frustrated me even more.

Kristen called me up and told me that she's going to our Associate Vice Dean to talk about all the griviences she has with our course and asked if I'd like to join. I saw her entering the cabin and I was about to go behind her when Prez stopped me.

And what did he say? "Listen, I need you to be my replacement tomorrow." That's it. And he expected me to just accept it without any conditions. What the fuck do you think of me, your personal slave? You have to tell me WHAT is the occasion tomorrow, WHAT will my job be, WHY will you not be available tomorrow and, because I knew this was probably just to stand and welcome visitors (that's what all the Presidents do, unfortunately), HOW THE FUCK WOULD IT MATTER IF YOU AREN'T THERE TOMORROW.

Do you want to know the answers to all of them? He said he will not be available because he has his project to complete (like I am going to abandon my project work for his sake) AND HE DOESN'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT HE IS BEING CALLED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And he expected me to happily follow his instructions. Because of this stupid conversation, I wasn't able to go with Kristen to the cabin and that's when I lost it.

I threw my mobile phone, mount board and everything that was in my hand and went somewhere private. I was beyond frustrated at this point.

Then I remembered another frustrated event: the Global Village.

It is an inter club fest organised by one of the clubs in college. Though it is a nice initiative, WORD is at a massive disadvantage. We already have the least amount of members, there is no commitment seen from the committee members, we don't have enough friends to participate from our side while all the other clubs are already poaching and everyone thinks my club is practically dead. WORD will basically be a laughing stock in college. Something that I'm incharge of will be a laughing stock. I will be a laughing stock.

This was the final straw after which I couldnt handle it anymore and started crying. I couldn't even go back home cause I had to stay back for a meeting with Ms. Paula and she was currently unavailable. I was the only one who was obediently staying back because I know Ms. Paula needed help and I felt obligated to not leave before meeting her. And I kind of hated that.

I sat there looking at my poor excuse of a lunch and cried. I then thought of more things that stressed me out like my career decisions, not speaking up against feeling excluded by my friends and having terrible food for lunch, etc. Kristen called me up, figured I was crying and came to talk to me. I knew she planned on meeting one of her school friends and was already getting late so I asked her to leave and call me once she gets free. I don't want to ruin someone else's plans because of me.

After an hour of staring outside the huge windows of college, I calmed down. Ms. Paula called me and I quickly went to her. I made a document for an upcoming event in college (which is going to take place on Saturday) and created graphics for a report. I downloaded 5 movies during that time, using the college's fast WiFi. I think that's the only good thing that happened today. Oh and Ms. Paula got me some noodles too so that was good. The noodles were slightly overcooked but I liked the gesture.

After coming back home, I was doing my own thing when dad sat next to me. I don't know why but I never go to my parents on my own and tell them anything bad that happens in college. I think it's because I don't want them to worry about me too much. But today, dad told me that he noticed I was being really quiet these past couple of days and asked if everything was okay with my club. I don't know whether it was dad's voice or the fact that he directly asked me that question but I broke down and told him all about the problems I was having with my club. He was surprised at how hard I was crying and consoled me and it worked. In the end he again reminded me not get back into a shell if something goes wrong.

I cannot promise that dad but I'll try.