I feel so incompetent.
I feel like I don't deserve what I have and will never be able to do anything constructive with life. I'm a good for nothing, invisible dumb fuck who can never have a place in this world.
I cannot handle anything, I cannot get a crowd, I cannot handle people, I cannot get people to believe in me. Heck, I myself don't feel believe in myself.
You know what? I constantly try to tell myself this is just temporary sadness, a moment of weakness. And it will pass on and I'll see better days. But it's not going. And I don't know what to do. I told myself that I won't let this thought get into my mind and I've tried to explain to myself so many times, despite getting so many symptoms, taking so many online tests and watching YouTube videos... that I'm not depressed.
But... maybe I am.
Depression fucking terrifies me and this thought is consuming my head so much. It's so fucking difficult to get out of this head space. I don't know what to do. These thoughts are never going to go away. I'm always going to be stuck with them.
I don't want to be depressed. I tell myself that all the time but I cannot stop thinking that I am. I cannot stop crying.
Today evening, I finally gave in to my emotions and broke down in front of Alex. I told him most of what was going on in my mind and Alex has done a pretty good job at making me a bit more stable.
I deeply hope I'm not depressed.
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An Outlet: Part 2
Non-FictionThis piece of writing is mostly for myself. I want this to act as my journal. I've always tried to see life from others' perspective. I think it's time to see it from mine. This can act as a rough draft of my life. If you're very nosy and want to kn...
