An Outlet: Part 2

12 July, 2017.

Back to college.

We had this public speaking seminar last week. It was nice. I didn't volunteer for any of the speaking tho.

I do eventually want to get rid of my biggest fear. So when they had given us an optional assignment wherein we had to come prepared with one of the topics, I thought I'll take this opportunity to better myself. I mean, even the people who I thought were unafraid of public speaking fumbled. Besides very few people turned up for the lecture last time. So I thought I could handle my anxiety.

But luck wasn't on my side. This time, public speaking was the first lecture and it had all the divisions combined.

Look.. there goes my confidence.

When I turned up to class and saw the amount of people who had showed up too, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. It upset me but I guess my pride takes the bigger cake.

Even when a couple of other people were chosen to talk, I felt second hand nervousness yet again. This shit is going to be the death of me.

After public speaking, we had a pretty interesting lecture. It revolved around teaching stuff through movement.

Our first activity was to write down 5 things that signifies us/we are known for. Then one by one we were asked to strike out the item which resembled us the least (among the 5 things listed down). It was really difficult because all the things I had mentioned, resembled me equally. In the end they made us realise that our names should have been the only ones remaining on the list cause that's the most unique thing about ourselves.

Then we played a couple of games revolving around the concept of our name and movement. It kind of felt like a kid's game but we're all kids at heart in the end so it didn't bother us too much.

Then we played another game which required us to do the opposite of what was asked of us. I must say, I have pretty good reflexes. I didn't make a mistake even once.

So with that, our first movement class came to an end. I thought I wouldn't like this class too much but I find myself actually looking forward to the next one.

During break, my friend circle was describing each other's personality. For mine, they had this opinion that I am mostly alright with most of the things happening around me but only those who are close to me can understand my facial expressions, whenever I do not approve of things. They also said that I am realtively very quiet and am content with sharing my views with only one or two people.

Which is very true. I don't need the world to know about my feelings (irony much?) but only the people I care about or who I know care about me. My world ideally doesn't extend beyond these people and I'm quite happy with this arrangement.

After break, we had a Consumer Behavior Lecture. For the first half of the class, we divided ourselves into groups of 4 and discussed the various categories displayed in connection to consumer behavior. I love such activities because its interpretive. There is no one answer to it. And most of the times, I land up coming with the most un-obvious interpretation of a topic, which sometimes can go off topic as well. We came up with pretty good points.

For the other half of the class, we saw this long ass video about the same topic. According to me, the video idea would have worked to keep us engaged if it wasn't half an hour long! Nobody wants to watch a video of someone speak for that long. At least an academic one.

After lectures, my club was scheduled to have it's first core meeting. I was both nervous and excited to meet the juniors.

So meet the team:

My president is the most level headed person on the team. He is always to the point and doesn't really like fooling around much. Not the friendliest person to have a conversation with tho (more about that later). He tries hard to demand authority and to be taken seriously, but hey at least he tries. He kind of needs proper direction for things and I hope that habit of his doesn't come in the way of his presidential duties.

I am one of the two Vice Presidents, as I've shamelessly declared a number of times. This whole journal is my description so I'm going to go on to my other Vice President.

So my other Vice President is my junior but he's older than me. Shifting from science background and stuff. He seems to be someone who knows quite a lot but will reveal that only when the time comes. He is someone who I think I want to talk more to because he did seem friendly and encouraging. Kinda intimidating tho.

My first secretary is Awkward Guy, Paul (Congratulations. You've earned your name in my journal). He's similar to me in a way that we are not used to leadership positions. We're both extremely reclusive when it comes to people we don't know well. We don't run behind attention but we don't want to be ripped off in situations where we deserve that attention. Having said that, he is a big time geek. He has different tastes and preferences than me and I have a feeling he will relate a lot to the other VP and secretary. Oh, and he seems spaced out all the time.

Coming to the second secretary. What should I say about this boy..... he intimidates me to no end. Apart from being elder to me, he seems to know everything from books to songs to artists to theories to graffiti makers, everything! I feel so inferior to him, it scares me. And I'm sure he's going to think that I'm an ignorant peice of shit. Ofcourse he has a lot of ideas but he's very rebellious and getting work out of him is going to be a task.

Then there are two others who don't have a post but are still in the committee. I feel like I'm going to get along with the girl just fine. She seems very excited about everything which is a nice thing. She actively takes up responsibility and I should learn a thing or two from her.

The guy on the other hand is still a kid. He's a bit immature and has a lot growing up to do. He can easily get trampled upon.

So that makes up my team. I'm happy with it and I hope we do make this club a success. The first thing that we need to tackle in order to do that, is getting to know one another in order to work as a team.

Something tells me that even though everyone's nice, it's going to be difficult for us to trust one another and take decisions as a team.

So our meeting started with introduction, what we wanted from the club, what are our ideas. It was all basic stuff. Everyone spoke but not enough. Says the introvert. Great.

We were supposed to bond more after Ms. Paula left but that didn't happen.

I have no idea what's going to happen in the upcoming days. But this is all seems scary.

Alright, so I was going to talk more about the President's nature.

I find him very distant.

Before heading to the meeting, he and I were in the same class. Naturally, I suggested we go to the meeting together. He said something incoherent and I waited for him so we could leave. In my opinion, it was a nice gesture on my part.

But he didn't even acknowledge me when he walked out of the room. I tried to keep my pace up with him but gave up eventually when he showed no signs of slowing down.

If someone gives me a vibe that they don't want to interact with me or associate with me, I'll let them be. I'm not someone who will run behind people to be accepted. I have some amount of self respect.

His attitude did not sit well with me. He is good friends with Kristen and I thought that his behaviour would be the same towards me. I wouldn't mind not talking to him at all but the reason why I want to be in atleast a talking relation with him is only because he is the President.

I spoke to Venus at night and she gave me some words of wisdom. She was pleasantly surprised when I called her because it is usually the other way round.

But I'm glad I spoke to her. She helped take tension off of me for a while. We spoke about kids for some reason. I've never had that conversation with anyone before.

The day ended with Alex getting into the conversation and me embarrassing myself by sharing weird ass incidents of my life.

Boy, I need people like Venus around me or I'll go insane with college work.