An Outlet: Part 2

26 July, 2017.

I feel like I don't fit in with my club committee. I cannot have a bond with them like they have with one another.

It's partially because of the fact that I have very limited knowledge about..... basically everything. I am almost 80% of the time clueless about what they're talking about. You can call it inferiority complex.

The second reason is because of my failure of having conversations with people beyond the usual small talk. I just cannot.

This is how I think my relation with my committee members will be for the rest of the year:-

1] President- Strictly work related. He is also someone who fails to participate much in the other members' conversations. He's not even good at small talk. After the initial vibes I've got from him, I know that I won't be missing out on much if I'm not friends with him.

2] Junior VP- We have what you can call a low-key flirtatious friendship. He takes a lot of initiative in talking to me but ultimately he'll realise that I'm actually quite uninteresting and then he'll stop trying.

3] Paul (Senior Secretary)- He's the only person on the team that I'm fully comfortable with. But then it's probably just because we're in the same committee. He probably silently judges me but is too sweet to say it out aloud or convert that into his actions.

4] Junior Secretary- I don't think I'm ever going to have a conversation with him. Ever. He intimidates me to no end and I am sure that he thinks I'm a good for nothing. He has even indirectly called me 'boring' when we were joking. So yeah, this guy and I, no friendship whatsoever.

5] PR Head- Well, I find the guy a bit annoying at times but I can't deny that I don't feel that scared to talk to him. But he does have similar music interests and stuff like the others which makes me a bit uncomfortable.

6] Social Media Head- I tried being her friend in the beginning but she has started having a slight airy attitude towards me. And you know, I legit will not talk to anyone if I feel like they don't want to have any connections with me. So yeah, professional relationship.

7] The Girl With Paul- Now this one doesn't have a designated post (something related to fear of commitment) but she's a regular member in our meetings. She is very bubbly and talks a lot. I'm happy that she's here because I get a female to talk to. She finds me really sweet and tries to include me in conversation sometimes, but she has built such a good rapport with the others that she sometimes forgets I exists. And I know that she's so friendly with me only because of Paul. If Paul leaves the committee, so will my friendship with the girl.

Most of them are a part of a whatsapp group that I'm not added to. This clearly summarises my relationship with them.

I don't care if my social life goes for a toss. I was never hungry for friends. I just have to make sure that this does not affect my work.