Wide awake staring at my phone
Who's gonna give in first?
We don't have to be all alone
We don't have to feel this hurt
'Member those nights in your driveway
Feeling like the only ones left on earth
And maybe I'm crazy
But I think that maybe
It's nearly 11.40pm on a Tuesday and while the shadows dance across the duvet lighting up the bad parts of the florally pattern that she picked out back when we were still strong. Our love was so strong and so powerful but that was taken away by the lights, the flashing lights of hundreds of cameras. The popularity and the hype that surrounded us, I begged her not to go and I spend hours getting lost in the patterns of shadows so I try my best not to think of her, but somehow it all comes back to her.
That could still be us
'Cause it still is sometimes at night when my eyes are shut
Wish I could say it don't get to me but it does
And I know I probably think about you way too much
But that's because
That could still be us
The moment that my eyes shut all I can think of is the way that she feels in my arms and the way her body would mould to fit me. The thoughts make the nights longer and the days shorter but it's comforting to think that what we had was special enough for me to think about her every night, but at the same time I acknowledge the fact that I think about her way to much but that's because every single time I see a couple doing an activity I can't help but think that it could still be us.
I went down to the riverbank
Looked in the water and saw your face
This small town summer wind
Whispers all my mistakes
'Member those nights in your backyard
Making each other shake
And lately it kills me
And nothing can fill me
At home in St. Louis walking down the street and seeing the little places that we always went to together, the small little ice-cream shack that we spent time at one summer weekend. We ate so many strawberry sherbets and ate so many cookies that we laid on the floor of my small bedroom at home and complained for hours but that meant nothing to me then. Now the memories mean everything because they symbolise what our life could have been like. Making s'mores in the backyard of our future house, children rushing around us with only a handful being our own. But that's all it is now, memories. Memories of us because the time for us is over, there is no us anymore.
'Cause that could still be us
And it still is sometimes at night when my eyes are shut
Wish I could say it don't get to me but it does
And I know I probably think about you way too much
But that's because
That could still be us
That could still be us
Oh, that could still be us
That could still be us
Once again I close my eyes, shutting off the boy-band posters and toys of my childhood, facing the window I try to imagine I'm home in New York and the shadows are dancing across the bed but nothing works. The curtains are too dark, the room is pitch black with no indication of shadows ever going to manage to peak into the room and it puts me on edge. Thoughts flash through my head, platinum blonde hair, MET ball's, galas and parties galore in New York. Lunch dates, dinner dates, baking parties and food fights. But they all lead up to the big flash, white fairy lights, large open spaces filled with white lilies (her favourite) and then a massive four tier cake surrounded by eatable small flowers created just for small children like James, Leo and all her small cousins. She's so thoughtful, always thinking of others before herself. I squeeze my eyes tighter trying to will the memories away or to stop flying so fast. But it hits me and I lie there, my heart is racing and my breathing is far from stable as the one thing that flies through my head is. That could be us.
Tail lights fading in the dark
I shoulda called out your name
I go by there some nights and park
Replay it all again
What woulda been
What shoulda been
What was
It's only 3.37am when my mom wakes me, she shakes me violently and the minute that my eyes open wide I sit up gasping for air. She holds me close and whispers that it will be okay and I hug her close and pray that she's telling the truth. But deep down I know that it's not okay because every night it's reoccurring, the dreams the images of her and of what could have been our future. Everyone tells me that in time I'll move on, but I don't see how it's possible. There is no one who could possibly love me the way that Taylor did. There is no one that I could love more than Taylor, her lips, her eyes her sweet personality. There will never be anyone for me except for her. It's not her fault that she was taken and it's not her fault that every night I'm still awake and thinking of how, 'that could still be us...'
That could still be us
And it still is sometimes at night when my eyes are shut
Wish I could say it don't get to me but it does
And I know I probably think about you way too much
And that's because
That could still be us
That could still be us
That could still be us
Oh, yeah, oh that could still be us
Her funeral was a sombre affair and although I selfishly wanted to keep her to myself I knew that the world deserved a chance to mourn her too. Millions of people across the world deserved the chance to say goodbye, I spent the entire funeral with my family, Taylor's family joined us and we all mourned together. It took me a little over four hours after the funeral for me to cry, I'd spent the last week crying over her death, but it had to be investigated. Taylor had been murdered by a rogue fan, we had been promised top security but somehow a rogue fan got into the wedding. We'd been married for only thirty minutes when she was fatally shot in the stomach. She bled out in my arms, the paramedics that arrived on scene ten minutes later never got the chance to help her, she was already dead. The aftermath like any death was a total shock, no one knew what to say or what to do which was what led me to lying in our bed the curtains closed but the night sky was already dark and that's what helped the shadows dance across the bed. This instantly gave me memories of our time together and it continues to be my downfall in thinking, 'that could still be us...'
That could still be us
*That Could Still Be Us – Keith Urban
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Kaylor Family One-Shots
FanfictionA bunch of different Kaylor Family One-Shots but there will also be plain One-Shots written in here too, not all will have a family aspect. Some are AU and there are several mini-series also included.
