maybe i'm amazed (fifty shades)

Chapter Fourteen

Ana's Point of View:

The library's clock ticks in the background and we both sit on the dark brown leather chairs facing each other. She doesn't make a sound, she just looks at me. Studying me.

"I'm so sorry Ana," She says finally breaking the silence.

"I-I planned to come home today to eat," I admit to her. "I looked at Christian last night well he slept. I realized how much my stupid need for control wrecked our marriage. I think I wrecked our marriage mom," I tell her. A sob escapes my voice as I make the confession to my mom. She leans across the chairs and holds my hands tightly in hers.

"No baby. He is so worried about you, I wish I could've found that when I was your age," My mom tells me. Whipping the lone tears on my face.

"I'm scared mom. I'm really scared of Alexander. I can't tell Christian, he'll-He will worry too much. But I'm scared. I'm scared he is going to kill my husband," I tell her. My hand covering my mouth as if I can't believe I admitted it myself.

"I'm so sorry baby, that is all my fault," She tells me. I cry louder, and harder then I have since I found out about Alexander. The thought of my Christian lying in a coffin because of me makes me sick. I cry and cry, not being able to stop. My mom doesn't know what to do and looks so lost. She was never the comforting type. She begins to call Ray in when I begin to have problems breathing through the cries. He kneels in front of me and holds me tightly in his arms. My head rests on his shoulder as the tears fall quickly down my face.

"Annie, that sick fucker isn't going to hurt you, he isn't going to come near me. Do you understand that? He will never fucking touch you. Christian will find him, don't worry my baby, Christian will fix this for you." Ray tells me. I nod my head begin to calm down. Ray and I walk back to the living room hand-in-hand. I move over to hug Christian tightly. He was crying, I can tell by his eyes. He must have been waiting outside the door.

"I'm going to change okay?" I tell him. He nods his head and tells me to wait for him. He requests Gail to begin dinner and we all agree with Christians family coming over for dinner too. Ray and my mom go to their rooms to freshen up before Christian's family comes. I change into yoga pants again and once of Christian's old Harvard sweaters.

"I love you, Christian," I tell him holding his face in my hands. "I promise you can control this, you can control my eating. I want to get better for us."

"I love you so much, Ana," He tells me back. Kissing me lightly on the lips before Taylor comes to inform us that Grace and Carrick have arrived. Christin is quick to pull Carrick into his office with Ray and Elliot once he arrived. My mom and Grace indulge in a conversation about some show they both enjoy leaving Kate and I to talk.

"I'm sorry for telling Christian Ana," Kate tells me. We stand side by side looking over a foggy seattle.

"Don't be sorry. I didn't know how to tell him," I admit to her.

"He was so fucking scary," She jokes. I laugh a little which turns into full blow laughter by the end of it. I can only imagine.

The boys emerge from the office once Gail calls that dinner is ready. We all sit around the table and begin eating. My mom is too busy trying to impress Grace to even notice anything else, Ray keeps stealing glances at my plate and then me, and Christian keeps whispering encouraging things in my ear.

"Hey Christian, did you hear that Kate is now scared of you," Elliot says from the end of the table. Christians rolls his eyes at him. Picking up a bun from his plate and throwing it at Elliot. Kate and I begin to laugh once again at the thought of a stubborn Christian yelling at an even more stubborn Kate.

"Christian, Elliot! Where are you're table manners." Grace says scolding them. I can tell that Grace is annoyed by my mothers constant comments and I have to say I am too. She didn't care about my weight, she never has. She just wanted to prove that she is a good mother. I'd never admit that to Christian though. I assume thats were the problems roots from.

"I don't know how you do bro, but you mange to scare everyone away in your life," Elliot continues. Christian shakes his head with a smile on his face and Elliot laughs at his brothers expense.

"It must be a gift," Christian fires back. "Atleast I can get women, you only got Kate through me," He says back. Kate almost spits the wine across the table as Elliot begins to die of laughter.

"Actually Christian, it was through me but," I correct him. Christian gives me a kiss on the head as he continues to laugh. Even Carrick got in on the jokes, making a sly dig at how both of his sons should watch themselves before they both find themselves single.

The dinner ends and soon the penthouse is once again quite. My parents both went to separate rooms of the house and Gail went to tend to Taylor. Christian and I sit across from each, the silence eating away at any hope of us actually being able to live a normal, non-constant fighting life style.

"I'm sorry Christian," I tell him. I don't think he's mad at me since we made up before his family came over. But yet, there he is, as distance as ever.

"I know you are Anastasia," He says back. His mask still up high. I hate that he is able to do that and keep me so far in the dark with his emotions. His left leg is crossed over his knee and he looks at beautiful as ever.

"I need you to be honest with me, with everything going on with Alexander. Promise me Christian please," I beg him. He nods his head at me. I give up, I assume his slight head nod would be the end of our discussion. He reaches down to grab my hand and pulls me up as he leads up both into the bed room for some well needed make up sex and sleep.