maybe i'm amazed (fifty shades)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Ana's POV-

I walk into the great room with Sawyer trailing behind me. He glares at Christian as he sits at the piano. My eyes stay downcasted to the floor, and I can't bear to look at him.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Grey," Gail says with a smile. She takes the coat from my hands and I silently make my way to the bedroom. I change into one of my old pyjamas and lie down on the bed. Letting the tears drowned me as I sob into my pillow.

"You'll never be enough?"

"What do you have that I don't have?"

"He'll see right through you?"

"Is this what you wanted?"

Their right, I'm not enough. I'll never be enough. My tears lull me to sleep and I let the darkness consume me from the overwhelming stress of the day.

"Mommy? Mommy, wake up," A tiny voice calls. I open my eyes to see the dark and dirty floors of a room. It smells of smoke and the wallpaper is falling off in some sections. Tiny grey eyes are looking up my with admiration. "Mommy, where is daddy?" He asks me. His hair is dark brown and unruly like it's been poor upkeep. He looks tired and thin.

"Daddy left baby, he left when you were in my belly," The words leave my mouth but I don't realize I'm saying anything.

"When will uncle Sawyer come back?" He asks me. I sit up in bed and finally take in my extremely slender body. I look like I did in the clinic.

"He left too, he and uncle Logan took a long vacation to celebrate their marriage," I tell him. His eyes become a darker shade the remember his fathers. His eyes dark behind me to the door before finding mine again.

"Will Grandpa James hurt me again, since Logan left?"

"What?" I ask him.

"Grandpa James hurt me mommy, and he hurts you too I can see it. Is that why Daddy left? Because you aren't strong enough for him? Because you're not enough?" His voice isn't his anymore. The once Christian like son become something else, become Elena.

I wake up gasping for air, my fingers scratch along my neck to help the airway. My breathing is strangled and it sounds like I'm wheezing. I didn't realize I knocked over the lamp until I hear it smash on the ground. Sawyer and Christian rush in moments later, worried looks plastering their faces.

"Ana?" Christians ask me. I hiccup and continue to struggle to breathe. Both jump into action but the moment Christian grabs me I scream and stubble away, my arms flying around Sawyer who tugs me tightly to his chest.

"Breath Ana," Sawyer encourages, but it only makes it worst. His scent, usually calming, stuffs my nose and gives me a headache, my stomach is doing summersaults and I'm too hot. I push away from Sawyers body before falling to my knees in front of both men. My head fitting between my knees as I sob and struggle to breathe. Christian pulls me into his arms, and although it feels wrong, I instantly calm down. His breathing and heart rate is quickly matched to mine and my fingers are taken away from my throat and placed in my lap.

"It's okay Ana calm down, just breathe for me," He murmurs. I calm down in his embrace and am once again brought back to complete sanity.

"Fuck Ana," He breathes out. I move out of his lap and bring my arms around my knees, Leaning against the nightstand.

"Ana whats wrong why won't you look at me,"He asks me. His hands attempt to find me but I quickly hide them away.

"I'm sorry," I murmur. My eyes stays with his fingers, where his gold wedding band sits.

"Where are your rings? Ana, where is your wedding rings," He asks me. Pulling my hands in his. I can't look at him, it will break me even more than the games he is playing right now. I snatch my hands out of his and with trembling hands I reach into my bag and grab out the papers. I hand them to him and silently pray that the world would stop moving so I can run away and hide.

"You think I fucking filed for a divorce!" He yells at me. I'm shocked and sink back into the side table. "Look at me god damn it!" He screams. I shake my head and hide my face in my knees. "If you want this so fucking badly than fine I'll fucking file for a fucking divorce!" He screams at me. Throwing the papers to the door before walking over to the bathroom and slamming the door so hard that the house practically shakes.

I get up from my spot on the floor and quickly make my way to the living room. It must be late because the only lights come from Seatlles booming nightlife and the light over the top of the oven. I grab a blanket from behind the couch and wrap it tightly around my body. I silently make my way to the windows and lean against one. Resting my cheek against the cold glass and letting the stars lul me to sleep again.

"Should we wake her?" I hear someone ask.

"How long do you think she's been like that? It can't be comfortable," I hear I think Gail say.

"They were fighting last night I heard them," Taylor says.

"Yeah it was at like 8 when we were all dismiessed for the night," Sawyer says. I hear shufflly before Taylor leans down in my line of view.

"Morning Ana," He says with a tight smile. My eyes are swollen I can tell, his face is scruched up with worry as I pull my face away from the window. I can practically feel the imprint from sleeping there all night.

"Did I lose him?" I ask, my voice is scratchy and sounds like a dog has been clawing at my throat.

" No you didn't Ana," He tells me. He tugs me into his warm arms and instantly my body is no longer shivering. I can still feel the ice chill through the window as Taylor picks me up and carries me to the couch.

"I'll go make some tea," Gail says as she scurries off to the kitchen.

"Lie down Ana, it's alright," Luke says as he comes to sit beside me. I nod my head and lie down with my head rested on his lap. He runs his fingers through my hair. Taylor wraps me tightly in the blanekt and rubs the cheek that was leaning against the window.

"It wasn't him was it?" I ask.

"No, I believe that someone facted his signature- Probably Linc. I got wench look into it but even he agrees that it was perfectly forged." Taylor says as Gail comes back with tea. Taylor helps me drink some and the pepermind flavour warms my stomach.

"I don't want him to leave me Taylor," I admit, my voice cracking and I lean back down to Sawyers lap.

"He won't. You've just fallen the victum to emotional abuse but I can promise you Ana. I'll protect you and so will Christian," He tells me. I try to nod my head but my body hurts too much and I end up just going to sleep.