maybe i'm amazed (fifty shades)

Chapter Forty-Four

Ana's Point of View:

"Well, she didn't like it," I tell him. Avoiding his worried grey eyes that are probing me for answers.

"What did she say, Anastasia," He demands me, pulling my face up to look at him. His eyes bore into mine and I instantly know there is no point in lying to him.

"She told me I was a disappointment. That she couldn't believe I'd make the same mistakes as she did," I tell him. His eyes darken and his mouth forms a thin line.

"Is that all Anastasia?" He questions me. His mask is back on and the man that sits before me looks nothing like my sweet and caring fifty, but the dominant man he once was.

"No, she said you'll leave me because I was too stupid," I admit to him.

"And you believe that?" He asks me.

"No, I don't. I know you love me," I tell him. Hoping that will crack the control freak mask that he has on right now.

"God Ana, when did you tell her?" He asks me.

"The day after Alexander attacked me, I was scared that someone from the hospital would leak the pregnancy and I wanted her to hear before the world did," I tell him.

"and why the hell didn't I know sooner? Ana that was weeks ago?" He asks me as he unclenches and clenches his fist.

"Because everything that was going on, I just I didn't think about it," I lie. I've thought about it every day, every time I think about having this baby I wish for my mother's support.

"Anastasia, tell me the truth please," He asks me. Damn it how does he know when I'm lying.

"I just- I don't know. I believed it was true for a while, and I just didn't want to admit that my mother doesn't love me," I tell him. "She didn't sound.. in the right frame of mind when I was talking to her."

"What does that mean? You think she was on something?" Christian asks me.

" I don't know. When she was dating Alexander she was always drunk but as soon as she started dating Ray she never ever drank. She fakes it with whatever husband she is on, but she just didn't sound like herself. I know Bob is really, um really big on self-diagnosing himself."

"So you think that she self-diagnosed herself?" He asks me. I shake my head knowing that my mother isn't someone who would see a bruise and say it's cancer, but she is someone who is quick to give into peer-pressure.

"I think that Bob takes a lot of over the counter prescriptions, and I think she is taking them too," I admit to him.

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this?" Christian asks me.

"Because I never thought it was an issue until now," I tell him.

"But what brought it up," Christian asks me. Finally bringing down his mask and letting the sweet and caring man I married come out. His eyes show his worry and his once harsh features have softened.

"Seeing you with your mom, I just wanted someone to love me like she loves you," I admit to him.

"So you do believe in what Carla told you, that I'd leave you?" He asks me. What?

"No, of course not- why would you think that?" I ask him.

"Because Ana, I love you so much, and so does my parents and so does Kate or Elliot or Mia, " He tells me. I shrug and wrap my arms around my stomach bringing my knees up to resk my chin on top of them.

"When I married you, you become their family just as much you are mine. I don't know who I'd be without you Ana," He tells me. Wrapping his strong hand around my face to force me to look up to him.

"I love you too," I whisper leaning up so that my lips meet his.

"I wish you'd tell me things like that when they happened," He tells me. Grabbing my hand and pulling me up from the bed.

"Sorry," I murmur. Christian ignores me as we walk into the kitchen were Gail left out our dinners. Christian helps me sit on the island before moving to sit beside me.

"Does it taste okay?" He asks me. Looking me over as I finish just half of my plate.

"Yeah I just feel really sick," I admit to him. I drop my fork and take a huge sip of water before looking at him.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner baby?" He asks me. Moving off his chair to wrap his arms tightly around my body.

"I didn't feel sick until know," I tell him. It feels like butterflies are fighting around in my stomach leaving an awful unsettled feeling.

"Come on bed for you baby," He tells me grabbing my hand tightly in his as he leads me to our bedroom again. We get ready for bed in silence before sliding into our usual sides and cuddling close to each other. My body faces away from Christian, his one hand is wrapped tightly around my abdoman rubbing soft circles to soothe out blip and his other arm is acting as a pillow for me head.

"You feeling any better, " He asks me. I just shake my head and close my eyes as I look down to the bed sheets below us. "My parents want us over for thanksgiving," He tells me.

"Okay," I murmur. My hand moving down to wrap around Christian.

"You alright baby?" He asks me. I let out a sigh and turn over moving closer to his awaiting body. I wrap my arms around his chest and his my face into his neck. His arms wrap around my body pulling me as close as we can until my bump is squished against his stomach. "Baby what is it?" He asks me, moving his bed to look at me.

"I just love you, and I-I wish I got the chance to have an amazing mom," I admit to him. His hand moves to my face, tucking a stand of hair behind my ear.

"You'll be an amazing mom," He tells me.

"I hope so,"