My Man Crush | Jinkook ✔️

Forty-Four

Jungkook's Pov:

He's confusing. He says he loves me, but then kicks me out, but then again said he hates me. I'm confused. Does he hate me, or does he love me?

It's was 5 AM in the morning. After getting kicked out Jin's loft, I couldn't sleep. I'm supposed to meet with his parents today as well. That certainly didn't help and to make matters worse, I was meeting with Yoongi afterward. Why did I do this to myself was beyond me.

However, if I plan on making Jin realize I am serious about him, I need to make things right with those he cares about first. As I know if they don't accept me in his life, he won't either. Even if he does what's the point if his parents hate me. I was wrong for how I left their son four years ago, and I need to make things right with them.

They're the grandparents to my kids after all. Areum was going with me to both meetings. Ain't no way in hell would I go meet with them on my own, especially not Jin's parents.

I was surprised that Jin's dad wasn't too angry when I reached out. I didn't know about Jin's mom. She was an interesting woman if I remembered correctly. Although she was wasn't around her son as much.

It's why Jin had so much freedom and time on his hand. His parents were absent-minded. I guess that's why he craved the attention he did. Maybe if they were around, I wouldn't have been able to do what I did. This is something I'll have to take note of when it comes to Areum.

I am really trying to do right by her. Although everything feels foreign to me. I don't know how I'm so fortunate that she accepted me into her life. She has an amazing soul like her Appa. Jin was never the type to hold grudges. It seems our daughter took that from him as well. She was pure and innocent. Everything I wasn't. I hope she continues on that path, and one day finds a man that compliments her well.

Evidently sucks knowing I will never know what it feels like to hold her or Kai in my arms as babies. These are the things that eat me up at nights. I really don't fault Jin if he never wants anything to do with me, the more I assess everything I put him through and even how I was after not seeing him so long makes me realize just how much I have lived a selfish life.

I could blame everyone for their actions and what they did versus what they didn't do, but at the end of it all, I must take accountability for my actions, and it's something my father has opened my eyes to in the past month. "Highlighting what others did or didn't do shouldn't be your concern, son, it's what you did or didn't do that should be your concern." Those were his exact words to me, and he was right.

Those words are what's leading me to make the decisions I am making today. Picking up the phone to reach out to Jin's parents and even Yoongi and Hoseok was extremely hard. Thankfully Hoseok made things easy for me, just like in the past he only cares about Jin's happiness and well-being. However, he did warn me that his husband might not be as understanding as he is.

I never had much interaction with Yoongi, but I know he was and still is close to Jin. Areum loves him a lot like Uncle Yoon Yoon is literally her everything. Hoseok was the one who actually suggested that I take her along for "survival purposes" as he referred to it.

At some point, I need to meet with Taehyung as well, and I would prefer it to be without Jin being involved. I think its time we hash whatever this is between us. I don't want to bring anymore stress onto Jin, and it's clear we both stress him out. I think on my part I have done that enough. I also need to address how he likes to highlight him being there for my son and me not being there, I am sorry, but you don't think I know that already. You don't believe it fuck with me enough, why the hell does he have to keep bringing it up? Jin doesn't even do that.

He feels threatened by me, and I know it. He is insecure, and it shows. I still don't understand what's going on between him and Jin, and that bothers me. Call me jealous, at this point in time I don't care anymore. I want Jin back, and I want him and me to be the best parent we can for our Areum. I know I messed up, but I want to prove to him that I deserve a second chance, is that so wrong of me? Was my sin so great that I am not deserving of one?

This is why I can't rest, so many thoughts haunt my mind. I lean back on my bed and stare at the ceiling, questioning life and my purpose and the decisions I have made. Now I know why so many people wish they could go back in time, I sure hope that was the case for me.

Maybe I could send him some flowers I thought to myself. Yup, that's what I will do. I will have some flowers delivered while Areum and I are out today. I'll start with the simple things and then work my way up.

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A/N:  I know many of you like Tae, but this is not a Taejin story. Trust me it's so easy to switch course and make it Taejin. It would make for an easy write too. However, I will continue to with the original ship which is Jinkook. They will make their comeback at some point. Patience my Jinkooker's and my Taejinnie's you can have your shine in one of my Taejin books 💜❤️. Let Jinkook live for now 😩. Even though Jungkook needs a beat down.