My Man Crush | Jinkook ✔️

Forty-Nine

Taehyung's Pov:

Horrible, that's how I feel right now. I never imagined that I would have been the one to cause Jin to have a panic attack and end up in the hospital. It's been a day since he has been in the hospital and right now I am waiting for him to wake up so I can apologize for what I have done.

Hoseok didn't want me to see him at first, but after Jin had woke up this morning, he told Hoseok he wanted to see me. I honestly never meant any harm to Jin, at least not intentionally. I did keep Jungkook away, but that wasn't because I was being selfish, I was only looking out for Jin. He was finally coming around, and even though Jungkook was asking if he should've returned, I wasn't positive he meant Jin well.

Jin shifts on the bed, and I immediately look towards him. "Hi, how are you feeling?" I ask him with a nervous smile. I don't anyone will understand how much I feel like crap.

"I am okay. I want to go home to my Areum, but the doctor said I can't leave until my blood pressure goes back down to normal." He says and sits upon the bed. He doesn't seem angry with him, which bothers me a bit because I can't really tell what he is thinking.

"You brought flowers?" He asks, looking towards the flowers that were in a vase on the table next to him.

"Umm, no, Jungkook sent those over." I took a deep sigh.

"Oh, he came by?" I could see the shift of hope in his eyes, and it bothered me.

"No, he has been with Areum. I overheard Yoongi say she won't leave his side but keeps asking for you. They won't allow her to visit because she's too young."

"I know, I spoke to her last night," Jin confessed while looking towards the window. I noticed he was looking everywhere but at me.

"Jin, I am sorry. I know this is my fault that you are in here and I am so sorry. You know I love you Jin and never once meant you any intentional harm. I am not sure why I did what I did. Actually, I thought it was beneficial for you at the time, honestly."

He chuckled and then let out a deep sigh, "That's the problem Taehyung, you are in no position to think for me, that decision was not yours to make-"

"I know."

"No, you don't know. I want to be precise with my words because I don't want you to think that I am upset with you for what Jungkook did. Jungkook will take responsibility and ownership for what he has done to me, I will never give you that burden to carry. However, I am so disappointed in you, you have been around me Taehyung for the last four going on five years, you have seen me at my lows, and you have seen me at my highs. You saw what I went through with Kai, you knew I wanted Jungkook involved in their lives even the very first year. Maybe I am foolish for wanting that, but that's fine, that's me and my decision, not yours.

I am struggling with this information Taehyung, I really am. I am mad at you, yet I am angry with myself at the same time. You had no control over Jungkook leaving, and you had no control over him coming back, but you could've been honest with me.

Let me know the truth, that he at least gave a shit after he left. Who knows how things would've turned out, maybe he would've returned and played me like a violin, but allow me that opportunity, allow Kai and Areum that opportunity.

Do you honestly think being a single parent has been easy? Do you have any idea what it's like to be sick, but can't take care of yourself because your child isn't well, so you have to put all your focus on them? How many nights I wish I had him there to put the kids to bed just so I could get a break, I don't think you will ever understand.

I get it, you wanted to be there for me, you wanted to play the dad role, I know it. You never kept it a secret, but neither did I keep it a secret where my feelings were. In another life Taehyung, you would have been the perfect guy for me, fuck it, the best there is, but no matter how I tried and trust me I have. I even proved it by sleeping with you, just to test the waters, I can't love you as I have loved him.

Because I am sure of this, that's why I never led you on, because I know what it feels like to love someone and then have them crush you and because I care way too much about you and was extremely grateful for how much you stuck by us, I never wanted you to feel that pain.

I won't be a hypocrite though, I will forgive you, what's done has been done. You wouldn't have been able to do what you did if Jungkook didn't do what he did. Therefore, as much as I want to blame you to the ends of the earth, I can't. You were selfishly loving me, but not thinking about the consequences of what your actions would cause in the future.

I am in the same boat as you. I selfishly loved Jungkook, even above my own damn self and because of that my suffering just seems to continue. I am learning I can't fault him for certain things either, I am responsible for a lot of my own pain and scars. I wanted him so bad that I fucked myself over without realizing it."

Jin shakes his head and closed his eyes. I walked over to him and placed my hand on his, "Jin, thank you for forgiving me and please know I will try making this up to you in every way that I can. I was selfish, and I am sorry." he removes his hand from my own.

"I don't need you to make anything up to me, what's done is done. I need to keep my mind sane for my daughter, she's the most innocent in all of this, and I can't allow you or Jungkook to drive me insane."

"Does that mean you want me to leave?"

"I do." He said and looked at me.

******

A/N: Thank you guys for reading!

So, just an update, we are going to have a bit of a low peak until I believe chapter Fifty-Four. That's where we will begin to see some movement with Jinkook. I don't want to rush this book, so please be patient with it. If you can't, and it's getting boring for you, I can understand. However, I can assure you things will start picking up soon.

Some of you might have expected Jin to be more upset with Taehyung, but I want as the readers for you to look at this in every angle possible. I would've probably ripped Tae's head off, but that's me using anger and emotion and not thinking at all. 

This book is so complex in some ways as it should make you question who is wrong and if you are thinking just one person is at fault, then maybe you are looking at things one sided. 

As noted previously, I will give a break down in the last chapter where each character had a part to play in this whole matter of chaos and the consequences that followed. 

I am trying my best to keep on track with how I plot this book out to be. It's a challenging plot that is testing my patience, but we will get through it together.

I do have future chapters written and will post them, once I feel the timing is right :).

Keep the comments following as I love to see the different views and your opinions. 

Love Always!