My Man Crush | Jinkook ✔️

Forty-Five

A/N: I have made an executive decision to skip out on the meeting with Jin's parents as well as Yoongi. Although it would've been entertaining, especially Yoongi, I felt we already had enough drama within this book. I might make reference and reflect at some point if needed.

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Dear Seokjin,

The last time I gave you a letter, I broke your heart. This time around, I want to right my wrongs. Every time I talk with you, I think it's hard for me to express what it is that I want to say to you. Today, I wrote these words to express my honest feelings towards you. I know it won't fix what I have broken inside, but I am hoping it's a start to mending what I have damaged.

The pain that you have endured alone on behalf of me, I am regretful. I might have made you discover sadness and hurt you never knew existed and walked an unknown path that you were never fated to travel on all because of my selfish actions. Seokjin, I cannot imagine or interpret the pain I have caused you. My heart burns knowing I will never be able to touch or give my son a kiss; therefore, I cannot envision what that pain feels like for you who have held him, gave birth to him and watch him grow to a certain age. Seeing him fall ill and not being able to do anything about it, pain like that I cannot relate to it, only you can, and for that I am sorry.

Sorry I was such a failure to you. Upon meeting with your parents, your mother confessed that I was the last guy she wanted for her son because she saw this coming. I hated hearing those words because she was spot on, I became everything she was trying to shield you away from. Your parents revealed to me how you attempted to take your life after I left, Seokjin, I am so sorry. I don't think there will ever be words to describe just how apologetic and remorseful I am for everything I have caused you.

I am even more sorry for how I acted upon meeting you again. I am an asshole, and I can see how one could question if I am even redeemable based on my actions, but I want you to know that I want to do better for you and Areum, I want to be there for you both. After a while of deep thinking, I thought about leaving, relinquishing the custody I had gain of Areum and returning her back to you entirely and moving away from you both, but I have now realized I don't want to be a coward anymore. I want to fight for you both, no matter how long it takes, I want to build a family with you.

However, I understand this might not be what you want, and if it's not, then I will have to respect your decision. I no longer wish to be an unwanted burden in your life. I have acknowledged that you have to live, it's the least you deserve after all I have done. I am at the point where I don't want to cause noise or chaos in your life anymore, I think I have caused you a lifetime of that.

I know you said you love me, as well as hate me. I don't know which one is greater and if one outweighs the other. One thing I can tell you for sure is that I love you Seokjin and I am not writing these words because it's what I think I should say. I am writing them because it's coming from the deepest valley of my heart, these are the words I have been a coward to tell you because of fear and because there was a point that I thought you were too young even to understand the meaning of love, but I have grown to learn that age has nothing to do with understanding what love is. This is something my daughter has taught me.

Yoongi have shared with me that the death of Kai's anniversary is coming up. He has taken me to where our son has been buried as well as shared some pictures with me. He indeed resembled a lot like you, not meeting him will forever be one of my biggest regrets, but I guess its the deserving pain I will have to live with. My reason for bringing up Kai is that if by chance there is any part of you that think we can make mends, I am not saying for the beginning of a relationship, but a friendship, if you see it possible, can we meet on his anniversary? If it's too much for you, I will understand.

Four years ago I made a horrible mistake, and almost five years later, I want to right my wrongs, if you will allow me to.

I love you, Kim Seokjin and I will be waiting.

Please don't feel pressured by any of this, if you don't show I will understand and leave you alone for good as I no longer want to be a burden to you and maybe I am forcing what I am meant to let go.

Yours,

J.JK.

"He.......I am not going!"