FWB Friends With Baseball

More Significant than a Flower Girl, I Promise.

Jailyn~

"Pretty heavy shit, huh?" Tyler asks, leaning on the door frame to my room. Nodding, he takes his cue that it's okay for him to come in as he pulls up a chair next to me, "Need anything?"

"Some sense of what I'm supposed to think right now," I reply, my tone dry and faltering. There's nothing for me to really even think right now. I've been given no choice in this, and I have no idea what choice I'd have even made for myself. How do you even cope with not having one? Three years ago, I had a man threatening to kill me had I gotten pregnant. That's not something that's just lost in my head. That was a very real threat from someone I'd loved. Christian and I never, ever talked about kids. What if he never wanted them? Or what if he doesn't want them with me? Would he think like that too? Or worse, what if he did want kids with me, and now this just got ripped away? All because of my stupid fucking choice of birth control. Either way, he's going to hate me.

"Jai, hey," Tyler says, standing up as he starts stroking my hair. My tears fall freely, something I hadn't even noticed so lost in my own mind. "It's okay. I promise you're going to be okay." As my anxiety continues to run amuck, Tyler scoots himself onto the bed with me, careful to get around the IV that's now been giving me some pain medication while they prep the OR. Holding me tightly to him, Tyler lets me sob into his chest. This is unbearable. My hands ball up and clutch at Tyler's shirt, unable to figure out what to do or how to breathe right now. How many times will the world collapse around me before I get into the clear? Every time I get a glimmer of being there, something rips it away.

God only knows how long it is where I just sit sobbing into Tyler, my mind racing a million and one miles an hour before Dr.Lang comes back in. I'm not sure which complex of mine it is that makes me need to be strong all the time, but when she gets back in, a switch in me flips where I can pretend to be some variation of okay, even if that couldn't be further from where my heads at. Tyler's gotten to see this from me many times in our however many years of friendship.

"Alright, Jailyn," Dr.Lang says, "We're ready to take you back. Again, I just need you to confirm you know what the procedure is," When I nod, she continues. "We're going to go in laparoscopically by making a small incision in your belly button to be able to remove the embryo as well as the ruptured fallopian tube. There shouldn't be any major scarring, and this shouldn't have any drastic impact on having children in the future. Following the surgery, we'll keep you here for about four days to make sure everything went okay and that you're not at risk of developing an infection. Barring no complications, you should be cleared for full activity in about four to six weeks." Great, even more downtime. "Are you ready to go back?" It's not like I can say no. If I did, I'd be at risk of bleeding out. All I can do is nod. With my motion, Tyler gets up from my bed and lets them start wheeling me away.

"I'll be right here when you get back," He reassures me. When our eyes meet, I know my facade of being okay has fallen, I'm not okay, and it's not easy to continue to fake it.

When my eyes start to blink open, they struggle to find focus as I come to. The steady beeping floods the room as I'm acutely aware of the small device attached to my left index finger. "Hey, superstar," is the first thing said before my eyes finally focus. Glancing around, I'm a little disoriented before I find Tyler's face. "Everything went good, they said." Nodding, I blink a little more, trying to wake myself up. Whatever they've got me on is working for more than just any pain I'd be in. Being drugged up and groggy makes it hard for my anxiety to take over. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," I reply, before having to cough, a shooting pain going through my abdomen a moment making me wince before passing as quickly as it'd come.

"Don't worry, you don't have to talk," Tyler reassures me, "Not to me, at least, I was asked to hit the call button when you woke up." Nodding again, I glance down at his hand as it hits the button on the remote before setting it back on my bed again. "Do you want me to have Dylan stop by your house to get your phone?"