FWB Friends With Baseball

Break Your Little Heart.

Jailyn~

Kicking my shoes into the ground of the turf mat of the cage, I wiggle a little getting ready to swing my bat for the first time. Tipping my bat to the edge of the plate, I look at Christian and nod, "Alright, JJ, take it easy on the first few and feel things out." 

"I've got it," I tell him. Christian grabs a ball, and I take a breath, anxious over something I've spent most of my life doing. Things are a little different right now, seeing as I'm not sure how things will feel. Even with being cleared, this is still just as daunting as it seemed a few weeks ago. 

"You ready?" He asks, a bright green ball with red laces in his hand. When I nod, cocking my bat back, he tosses it up for me. When I swing through, I barely move more than my arms.  "Alright, maybe not quite that easy." Christian chuckles, grabbing another ball, "You nervous?" 

Shrugging, I drop my bat. "I just don't want to mess anything up. Being able to play is more important to me than anything, right now." 

He gives me a small smile, "I know, but I also know you'll be okay. You've got this, JJ." Nodding again, I push my braid back over my shoulder, getting ready to get set again. I'm not sure what's scarier, the actual idea of messing something up, or this apprehension I feel for the first time. "You okay?"

"I don't know," I tell him honestly, what's the point in lying now? "What happens if I tear something? Like, I know I'm cleared, but what happens if they missed something? Like, what if this is just going to put me back at six weeks ago?" My eyes meet with Christians, and I can see the sympathy in his before he stands up. 

"Can I hug you?" When I nod, he wraps his arms around me, reassuring me once again that I'll be okay. "JJ, I know you're scared, and I know you've been through a lot, and that's okay, but I know you've got this. If you don't think you're ready, that's okay too. We can try again tomorrow, or in a week from now, or whenever you're ready. I've got a few months before I've got anywhere to be, so if you're not ready, it's okay. If it's any consolation, though, I know you've got this."

Nodding, I take a breath pulling away from him with a small smile. It's been hard to just believe what people have to say, but something in his tone convinces me that I can. "Alright, let's do this then." Christian gets the biggest grin on his face as he takes his seat back on the bucket, grabbing another softball as I reset. When I'm ready, I nod and watch as he tosses the ball to me, tracking it through the air until my bat connects with it as I swing completely through it, my hips ending faced out towards where the ball flies to connect with the top of the netting of the back of the cage. There's no containing the smile on my face as I turn back to Christian. Everything feels great, and my bat swings incredibly. Getting back in my stance, I'm ready to take on his next toss as I celebrate this little victory that I more than needed right now.

Christian~

Glancing over to JJ as she sings along to the song off of her playlist, I can't help the smile on my face seeing a bit of the old JJ back. It's been a while since I've seen her so genuinely happy, and it's great to be able to share in this little victory for her. Her hand moves quickly as the song changes, and she turns up the volume letting the heavy guitar riffs play out through my speakers. Looking to her, I watch as she bops around to the beat, her soft pink lips moving fast along with the lyrics. She looks as beautiful as ever, even if the words she's singing out are, "I'm gonna break your little heart." Laughing a little, I watch her through glances, my smile never leaving my face. 

Seeing her like this practically has me falling in love with her all over again. Her pink lips move fast, a small smile lingering on her face. Her eyes are closed, her beautifully long eyelashes coated in a small layer of mascara resting on her high cheekbones as she just vibes with the song. Every inch of her is just stunning, whether that be her perfectly sculpted eyebrows, which she takes a lot of pride in, or her slightly disheveled baby hairs, loose from the helmet pulling from her hair. Somehow, as unintentional as they are, they still frame her face beautifully as the rest of her hair is pulled back in her signature double braids that I'd met her in. God, I'm in deep for this girl, and I don't know that that's ever going to change even with her insisting I should move on. Although she insists, I know that regardless of who I find, I'm always going to want it to be her that I come home to. 

Jailyn~

"Christian: I know I've only been gone for a week, but are you still doing okay?" There's a small smile on my face as I read the message.

"Yeah, I'm good. Thank you again, Christian, for everything. Only about a week until my season starts, so I'm mostly gearing up for that." Hitting send, I back out of our thread and open up mine with Tyler. 

There's been a handful of times that I've wanted to apologize, I was a bitch, and he was just trying to look out for me. He'd reached out for the first few days before taking the hint that I wasn't replying, another thing I should apologize for. 

"Hey. . . I'm sorry. I was a bitch, and you and Dylan didn't deserve that. You were just trying to help, and I wasn't ready to deal with that. You've always been a great friend, and I'm sorry that I wasn't. You and Dylan did more than I could've ever asked you to, and I can't thank you guys enough for that. Obviously, I was in a shitty headspace, and I took that out on you, so I'm sorry. I miss you and Dylan a lot. I'm still working on a lot of things, but I'm doing a lot better than I had been. LMK when you get this, if you don't hate me, and I'll take you and Dyl out for dinner. Anywhere you want, it's on me." Hitting send, I watch the screen a moment, almost expecting for him to reply immediately. When nothing happens, I stand up and stretch, leaving my phone to the side to go take a shower. 

Getting into the bathroom, I strip out of my clothes as I flip the water on, and wait for it to heat up. Glancing down at the surgical site, it's a little pinker than the rest of my skin but barely noticeable given the location practically inside my belly button. Resting my hands on my stomach, I think about all the what if's and could've beens. Right now, I'd be almost three months pregnant based on what they gave me for a time frame. That's practically out of the first trimester. Christian and I could be expecting right now. We could be preparing for a baby rather than me preparing for my season.  We'd still be together right now, and my brain wouldn't be this mess that it is. We could've at least made this decision for ourselves, not just had it ripped from us. 

Shaking my head, I put my hand under the tap, checking the temperature. It's good enough. Getting into my shower, I shake off all of those anxious thoughts, knowing there's nothing that I can do about it now. Everything will be okay, and I'll be okay. I just need a little more time. 

Rubbing my hair with the towel, I grab my phone from where I'd left it on my bed and can't help my smile seeing Tyler's name above the message. "Tyler: I get it, Jai. I love you and definitely don't hate you. Dylan and I will definitely take you up on that dinner offer though. ;) I know you've got a lot going on in your head, I was mad for a minute, but I know it wasn't you." 

Smiling, I nod to myself as I read the message before typing back. "Thank you. <3. You and Dylan are obviously welcome whenever you want." Things are by no means perfect, but for the first time in a long time, it feels like things are going to be okay. There's still a lot to figure out, but things are starting to feel like they're normal again. It doesn't feel like everything is going to collapse around me if I sneeze wrong. I finally feel like I can breathe again.