Closer

66.

"I'm so nervous about the ultrasound," Brett sighed, snuggling into Eddy's chest that night. He felt Eddy shift slightly.

"Why are you nervous about it?" Eddy asked, licking his lips. The whole idea of the ultrasound made him feel sick, but he got that Brett wanted to talk about it. He was going to be a dad after all.

It didn't make Eddy feel better at all, knowing Leonora obviously disliked him. He understood why, of course, he wasn't an idiot. Of course she didn't want him in the picture, being both the guy Brett cheated on her with and his new boyfriend, but the fact that Brett didn't even ask if Eddy could come to the ultrasound too hurt a lot.

Eddy figured he was just expecting too much again. It was Brett who was becoming an actual parent, not him.

"Just... I hope everything is okay with the baby and all," Brett sighed, pulling the duvet tighter around them. "And appearently they can figure out if it's a boy or a girl and all."

Eddy nodded and kissed the top of Brett's head gently.
"I'm sure the kid's alright," Eddy tried to assure him despite feeling the knot in his stomach tightening. "Do you hope for a boy or a girl, though?"

Brett thought about it for a moment before shrugging.
"Anything as long as it's not a violist," he joked, intertwining his fingers with Eddy's. Eddy just let Brett do it despite really feeling like hiding under the covers alone and pretend the world didn't exist. "How about you?"

"I don't know," Eddy sighed, closing his eyes. "Whatever you want, I guess."

He could feel himself spiraling and he wasn't sure if he wanted to stop it. He had probably overstepped by assuming he'd be a dad as well, causing himself to be sad. They had only been a boyfriends for a few hours, of course it didn't make sense for him to assume that out of nowhere like he had. He was just going to help Brett out, that was his role. To be 'just Eddy'.

"Actually, it's fine if they want to play the viola," Brett mumbled after a long silence, sounding a lot sleepier than he had been a moment ago. "But I'd prefer if they picked something else."

"Yeah," Eddy mumbled, taking a deep breath as he tried to convince himself it was fine to be 'just Eddy'. Brett had said it how he wanted it to Leonora. Brett would have a kid, and Eddy would help out. He was lucky to get that. More than he really deserved.

"I'm so grateful I get to do this with you," Brett sighed, squishing his face into the crook of Eddy's neck. "Thank you for being with me on this."

"Of course, I promised I'd help you," Eddy mumbled, not being able to help the sadness in his voice. He held Brett a bit closer to compensate.

"I couldn't do it without you," Brett mumbled, sounding more drowsy than before. Eddy hoped he'd fall asleep soon. "I love you."

"Love you too," Eddy whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to prevent any tears from forming. "So much."

It was barely a few minutes before Brett's breathing evened out and eventually was replaced by soft snores next to Eddy's ear. This was what he wanted it, wasn't it? To be able to hold Brett and be his safe harbour?

He willed himself to feel lucky to have this.