Closer

128.

When Brett finally came out of the shower, Eddy had managed to get Elise to sleep and had put her to bed. He was sitting calmly on the couch, looking at something on his phone, and Brett felt almost bad interrupting the calmness.

"Hey," he said softly as he sat down next to Eddy on the couch, and Eddy took a moment to finish typing up what he had written on his phone before looking up at Brett.

"Hey," Eddy responded, licking his lips. He was nervous about this conversation. "I'm sorry for freaking out earlier."

"No, no, it's alright. You're allowed to feel things," Brett said quietly, looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry for making you freak out, though."

Eddy just shook his head, not really knowing what to respond. It hadn't been Brett's fault he freaked out, but Brett had been the one who could have prevented it.

They sat in silence for a bit, neither of them really knowing what to say. It was Eddy who eventually broke the silence.

"Do you actually prefer being with me over Leonora?" Eddy asked, trying to sound calm, but the sadness was evident in his tone. Brett looked up at him and took his hand in his.

"By a landslide," Brett confirmed, bringing Eddy's hand gently to his lips to kiss it. "There's a million reasons for that, but the main one is that I feel like I can breathe and be myself when I'm with you."

Eddy looked down at their hands, not really knowing what to say. He couldn't exactly deny how Brett felt.

"I feel like I'm not good enough for you," Eddy said quietly, licking his lips again. His throat was getting tighter again as tears pressed on. "Like I can't ever make you as happy as you deserve."

Brett nodded, acknowledging what Eddy had said. He squeezed his hand before saying anything.
"That's pretty much what I feel every time I mess up and make you crash," he sighed, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. "I just want to make you happy, but every time I get anywhere seemingly close to achieving it, I do something wrong and I'm back to square one."

"I'm sorry I'm so difficult to deal with," Eddy mumbled, considering to pull his hand away from Brett's. He didn't do it. "And for making you think that me overthinking everything is your fault."

"I don't mind dealing with you if it helps at all, but I feel like I'm just triggering the overthinking..." Brett began, feeling his throat getting thick. He swallowed hard. "And I've thought that maybe it's actually the other way around, that maybe you'd be better off without me."

Eddy opened his mouth to protest, shaking his head instead when no sound came out. Was Brett breaking up with him? Had he really messed up that much?

"I don't want that, Eddy, I'm too selfish, okay? I want to be with you," Brett sniffled. "I don't want to lose you."

Eddy let out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding after Brett had spoken.
"Oh my god, I thought you were going to break up with me," he whispered shakily, reaching up to his face to wipe some tears that had overflowed. "I don't want to lose you either, I want to be with you."

Brett shook his head and a short laugh escaped through the tears.
"God, Eddy, I love you too much. I'm in way too deep for that. I could never," he said, trying to wipe his tears. "I'm too selfish for that. I want you, and I have you, and there's no way in hell I'm giving you up without a fight."

A hint of red spread across Eddy's cheeks and a smile played on his lips.
"Good, we feel the same then," he sniffled, and Brett reached over to him to wipe a tear that had ran down to his jaw.

"I'm still sorry I'm so useless when it comes to Elise, though. You just get her to sleep like magic while she cries all night while with me... I don't know, maybe I'm not able to make her feel safe?" Eddy sighed, turning his gaze down again. "I... I noticed she just calmed down when Leonora held her...?"

"You know, Eddy, babies cry over nothing and everything. You're amazing with her, honestly," Brett said softly, running his thumb over Eddy's hand. "And you got her to sleep now, didn't you?"

Eddy nodded a bit, biting his lip.
"She was probably tired from... From last night because I kept her up probably..." Eddy mumbled quietly, but shut up when Brett squeezed his hand.

"She's been sleeping while you slept earlier. I was actually kinda worried she'd never sleep tonight. I could never be up with her the way you do and still fight through it," Brett admitted, smiling a bit when he saw Eddy's shy smile. "I'd have to wake you to swap."

"You don't mean that, of course you'd be up with her," Eddy said, still with a tiny smile. Brett shrugged.

"I'm not sure I have the same willpower as you on that point," he chuckled. "But, speaking of sleep... Maybe we should?"