Closer

93.

"You feel off," Brett commented as they were covering the wooden floor with paper so they wouldn't spill on it. Eddy had felt weird ever since they left the store, but Brett couldn't find anything specific that was wrong. Watching Eddy's stiff movements as they taped the paper down was what pushed Brett to comment on it.

"I'm sorry," Eddy responded, licking his lower lip as he taped the last corner down. He didn't look up at Brett when he was done. "I'm trying."

"What's wrong?" Brett asked, crawling over to him and taking his hand between his as they sat on the newly paper covered floor. Eddy closed his eyes for a second.

"I don't know," Eddy admitted, opening his eyes and looking and Brett. "This time I honestly don't know. It's just like I've used up all my happiness or... I don't know."

Brett pulled him into a hug, and Eddy let him despite not feeling like he deserved it. He had no reason to be sad.
"But you looked so happy this morning..?" Brett asked quietly, still not letting the hug go. "When you suggested going to get the paint..?"

"I was just really hoping I'd be able to fake it until I made it, but it didn't work. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I know I'm supposed to tell you, but you've been so happy the last few days and..." Eddy sniffled and hid his face in Brett's shoulder. "... and I didn't want to give myself another reason to why I don't deserve this life with you by making you sad again."

"Shh... Eddy," Brett whispered, stroking his back when the sobs tore through him. He felt bad for not noticing his mood before, and for not asking immediately when something felt off. "Eddy, it's okay, you're allowed to feel sad."

"I have no reason to," Eddy sniffled, pulling away from the hug and trying to wipe his tears. "Everything is perfect and I'm just stupid for not feeling happy about it."

"Is it perfect, though? Or is it just looking perfect?" Brett asked, reaching out to wipe tears off his cheek. Eddy shook his head, preventing the touch.

"It is stupidly perfect, isn't it? I've got the love of my life, we're having a child, we've got a new house, our dream job..." Eddy listed, wiping his tears on his sleeve. "I should be happy, but I'm not and I just don't know what to do about it."

"But it's not perfect, though," Brett mumbled, biting his lip. "The love of your life has taken you for granted for years, you feel sidelined because you're not the biological father of our child, you're tired from moving to our new house and we haven't been able to do anything for our job because of everything."

Eddy became very quiet, looking away from Brett in shame. Of course he couldn't trick Brett into thinking everything was fine no matter how much he wanted to.

"I get it, Eddy, and I'm so sorry I can't fix everything, but you don't have to pretend to be happy if you're not," Brett said, taking Eddy's hand again. "I'm doing my best to fix it, okay? I really am."

"I don't deserve you trying to fix things," Eddy mumbled, looking down at their hands. "I give you nothing. I have nothing to offer but more work for you. I'm trying my best to make it easier for you, Brett, I really really am. I'm sorry I'm failing."

"You're not failing," Brett said meakly, feeling heavy and like he couldn't breathe. "You're what makes all the work worth it, you're..."

The room was spinning for Brett and he rubbed his eyes to try and make it stop. His heart rate was skyrocketing and it felt like he was constantly about to fall.
"I love you, Eddy, please don't lea... I need you..."

Eddy furrowed his brows, realizing what was happening. He pulled Brett into a tigth embrace, feeling Brett shake in his arms.
"I'm not going to leave you, Brett, I'm sorry I made you think so. I just don't understand why you don't leave me."

He held Brett until the shaking stopped and he himself had cried himself dry.

"I'm not going to leave you, because you are the love of MY life and I need you, Eddy," Brett whispered against Eddy's chest, still with a quavering lip. "Even though I took forever to realize and created all this mess for you."

"It's okay, I'll try to be better at telling you how I feel."

"I love you, with every emotion and all."

"I love you too, and the so called mess you've made. You realize that's our daughter you're talking about?"