Broken Bonds

Chapter 12

Translated by: anameescans

Seeing the childish actions of his Sect Master, gloom descended onto Yan Feili's heart, leaving him unable to put what exactly this feeling within him was into tangible words.

In this current age, where homosexuality was not very prevalent, and cut sleeves garnered an exceptional amount of rejection and disdain; no one would be fond of having embraced a man, let alone doing so to one who was their subordinate. So Yan Feili, who understood his Sect Leader's haughtiness, knew a fact like this would be absolutely difficult for that man to accept. If it were not for the "charm" of that incomparable drug which could take complete control of a man's consciousness, Beitang Ao's nature would have never been able to have made such a compromise—no matter the torment.

Yan Feili, with both of his legs along with his waist limp and aching, as well as the stabbing tingling between his thighs coupled with the still very present remnants of desire, was made to recall the pain-filled passion from earlier, and also that of its ecstasy. Leaving him with no choice but to admit, that even though their act of their unification was rough, he still, however, liked being held by his Sect Master. Causing him to have the startling realization: that not only was his abnormal feelings hidden within his heart, but his body also held within it a longing for this perversion... a desire that went against proper human relations.

Finally done with venting his fury, Beitang Ao turned around only to catch sight of the sorry looking clothed state of Yan Feili, not uttering a word while he stood, a somewhat guilty feeling lingering at the back of his mind. But at such a time, he really had no idea how he should face this always devoted and taciturn subordinate of his.

"Sect Master, please, you must not take this to heart. This lowly one did it of his own will." Having caught the look of embarrassment concealed beneath his Sect Leader's usual indifferent mien, Yan Feili broke his silence abruptly and softly spoke these words.

Prompting Beitang Ao to turn away so as to look at him, followed by him saying the single line "Let's go!" impassively, before using his flying-skill to sweep out of the forest. As Yan Feili, albeit with much struggle, followed him from behind.

The limpness and aching from both his legs made him almost fall several times, but he simply clenched his teeth, as he had done times before, and kept three steps behind as he followed him close, never failing once to land each step.

After returning to the Fuyouju Headquarters, even though Beitang Ao did not intend to shun Yan Feili deliberately, the relationship between both men still grew distant, both unable to help never bringing up the matter from that day.

When two months had passed, a rebellion broke out within the northern faction of the Four Sects of the Tianmen. The leader of this faction, Zhou Yan, assisted Mingguo's Lord Yan Yuan's armed rebellion, in a futile attempt to usurp Mingguo's government. So this matter made Beitang Ao quite angry.

Beitang Ao was a member of Mingguo's imperial family, and a very high ranking one at that. He was amongst the three named heirs of that nation, whose monarch was his maternal grandfather. Thus, with this matter taking place, how could he stand it! Therefore, he decided to personally accompany the troops he was sending up north to suppress Mingguo's armed rebellion against the Tianmen. But this time, Beitang Ao did not take Yan Feili along with him. Only dropping the sentence "Guard the headquarters well, and if anything comes up, find a way to deal with it!" before he left with his troops soon after.

Following his departure, he had left the affairs of the Sect in Yan Feili's charge. Originally, both men—one north, one south—met up with each other a few times. The matter between them was tempered by the passage of time, naturally becoming more faint soon after, which Beitang Ao believed was for the best.

Despite it still being slightly awkward, there was no way he, to a grown man like Yan Feili, offered some sort of explanation or even that he would take responsibility! And he assumed Yan Feili would not hope for such things either. So it would just be better if they had both avoided any mention of that incident altogether, let time dilute it all, and allow this matter to gradually disappear.

However, God's will carries infinitely more weight than man's, thus no matter how wise Beitang was or god-like his martial and military abilities were, he had no way of knowing about Yan Feili's special body, nor that because of the mishap at that time, he had bestowed his favour[1], and a conception had resulted from their illicit bond! Not long after this, Yan Feili fainted during a drill on account of his body being unwell, and this led him finding out from Doctor Qiu that matter regarding his body which had made him quite shocked!

At first, when he had become aware of the fact there was surprisingly an unborn child growing within his belly, the shock he felt was quite tough to handle. The knowledge caused him to spend the entire day agitated and alarmed, not daring to believe it to be true. But as more time went on, sometime during the afternoon, Yan Feili suddenly laid down on his sandalwood desk and fell fast asleep out of complete exhaustion while working inside his study. Still in a sleep-filled haze, a sudden soft thump from within his stomach gave him a start. Then after a moment of hesitation, he placed his hand over his lower stomach. For a moment, it stayed quiet, until there was another little thump much stronger than the last, making it evident there was a child lightly moving their tiny limbs inside.

The vivid feeling that he really was pregnant, that he really had a life growing within him, at that time, made Yan Feili not only stupefied, but a flood of each and every kind of thought had overlapped within his mind, leaving him in a complicated state of mind. Such frenzy and contradiction, was something he had never once experienced. As previously he had been hoping for the Sect Master's safe and soon return, but he was also hoping the man would not return too soon.

Although he did not know how his Sect Leader would react to the child's existence, he did however understand that man, and that every act of his was in the pursuit of perfection, so this child would most likely not be accepted by him.

Time passed during Yan Feili conflicted waiting, time passed, and Beitang Ao had at last returned from the North when the year was almost at it's end, bringing along with him a gentle and beautiful fiance too.

After all that had happened, Yan Feili felt like it was a scene straight out from a twisted nightmare. And post having become aware that beauty at that man's side was his fiance, in that moment, Yan Feili's heart was filled with so much pain, he practically could not breathe.

Despite him knowing long ago such a day would come, despite him from long ago having made numerous preparations, he still, in spite of it all, appeared to have lost every ounce his strength when directly faced with this truth. Yet, within this nightmare, the only truth, was the pain brought by the little life struggling to be born from within his stomach. The only warmth, was the feeling the tiny little one laying quietly and snugly in his arms fast asleep.

As he knelt under that enshrouded sky, Yan Feili was again attacked by a heavy snow. The man seeming as if he were a bird with a broken wing, fallen onto the earth, too weak to soar. Having all those past happenings flitting across the screen replaying in his mind, before it became fixed on the image of the infant lying beside him, soundly asleep.

Remaining perfectly still, his head hanging low, Yan Feili's expression was hard to perceive.

A rush of wind, carried waves of snow. So when Qiu Yeyuan finally found Yan Feili in the Shenmei Courtyard, he was left aghast by that kneeling man's appearance.

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Notes:

[1] 承欢雨露: lit. make someone happy, favour/grace. So to gift someone with a little sprinkling of the field, if you catch my drift*wink wink(雨露-also means rain and dew;)