Essie's Critiques

Introduction

"Write what should not be forgotten."

—Isabel Allende

We all have that dream. To tell our stories through our characters, to express ourselves through our beloved stories. But our emotions—the thoughts that run rampant through our heads—can be messy. The human mind is complicated, and it's overwhelming to have these powerful feelings and expect them to fit on paper.

All these words might sound beautiful in your head, but it's different when you pin them down to paper. To meticulously write each and every painful thought that can rip you apart with its potency—only to be disgusted by the quality, the garbage that you've written.

But I promise you, your words aren't trash. It's hard to organize your thoughts. And sometimes, when you stare at that page too long, those thoughts will blur, and you might as well be wasting your time looking for a mistake. To stare long and hard at your work and wonder to yourself, what's wrong here?

That's where your readers come into play. Because while you might know your story as well as your own name—your readers won't. They'll be the ones to point out confusing sentences, plot holes, and grammar errors. In writing a story, it's important to know, to accept, that you aren't enough. And that's okay.

My name is Essie, and I'll be that reader for you.

Okay, so you've written your book. Or maybe you've written just the first chapter. And now you're doubting yourself. Is this really the best my story can be? The answer is, and will always be, no. There will always be room for improvement. It doesn't matter if you're the next J. K. Rowling. Perfection is subjective, which means that your work will never meet everyone's standards.

In this critique shop, I won't be applying my version of perfection to your work—because it's exactly that. Your work, not mine. So while I might praise the use of diction in your story, or the emotions you've managed to bring out in me, I will most certainly not say absurd things such as, I don't like the name of the main character.

I will, however, focus on your story structure/plot. I will point out any plot holes or inconsistencies in your tense. I'll tell you which paragraphs work, and which don't. I have a keen eye for punctuation, grammar, and proper capitalization. I'll take my time, and I'll explain everything that does or doesn't work for your story.

"Please." He says. "I don't want to die."

"You should consider it an honor to die by my hand." She smirked, stalking closer with a silver dagger clutched in her bloody fist.

"Please." He cried. "I have a family. I have a wife, a daughter—"

But it was too late. She stabbed him with centuries' worth of rage, hearing his silenced wails ring in her ear.

Believe it or not, but this sucks. A lot. At first glance, it might seem grammatically accurate and written by a pretty decent hand. But we readers don't want decent. There's unnecessary capitalization, and these words are flat. Emotionless. They don't make me want to turn the next page, or cry for that poor man. You want to make your readers weep. To leap with joy, or sit at the edge of their seats with nervous anticipation.

"Please," he gasped, choking on his words. Tears glistened in his bloodshot eyes, and he scrambled back desperately. She would have snarled—would have stabbed him right then and there. But his next words were small, empty. "I don't want to die."

How utterly pathetic.

"You should consider it an honor to die by my hand." She smirked, stalking closer with a gait as smooth as her honeyed words. Under the dim moonlight, a glint of silver flashed from her fist. A dagger, dripping with fresh blood. She smiled at the fear in his eyes.

"Please," he said again. Begged, even as his lips lifted in a curl of disgust. The girl only knelt down in front of him, studying the grime on his face. "I have a family. I have a wife, a daughter—"

But it was too late.

It happened fast, in a flash of silver and red. The only indication that she'd even moved at all was a piercing whistle of wind, slicing through the air as she aimed with a precision only the most trained assassin could pinpoint. Then the dagger sank in his chest with a dull thud, and his eyes went dull—lifeless. And still she pushed, twisted the dagger deep into his chest with centuries' worth of rage.

When it was over, when his silenced wails rang endlessly in her ear, she stood up. Wiped the blood from her coat, kicking aside the man at her feet. Then, she turned.

And walked away.

Gruesome deaths are my specialty. I love writing them. I love that rush of adrenaline I get by living vicariously through my badass characters—though killing would not be my preferred hobby in real life. And there are so many mistakes in the first example I've provided, that I fixed and rewritten. Isn't the latter so much better? Doesn't it make you feel, rather than be an event to take note of?

I could go on and on, but I'm already getting off topic here. What I've just shown you is my style of writing. Now you know my capabilities, my qualifications. And it's up to you whether you think I can handle your story.

And let me warn you, I am brutal. I'm a picky reader—which means I will tell you everything wrong with your story. If you're looking for someone to tell you how amazing your story is, leave. Leave right now. This critique shop is only for the brave and honest. So I'll tell you the positives of your story. What I enjoyed about your story.

And what I hate about it.

So are you ready to have your story—this vulnerable side to you butchered and ripped apart? To make your story something amazing—something that will not be forgotten?

Well, then. Read on. 

Make sure to vote and comment!

Written on 10/27/2020