Negative Stuff

1st Day in the Semester, and I'm Already Freaking Out :)

Me: (gets started on schoolwork four days early)

Also me: (only has 13 credit hours this semester instead of 14 or the recommended 15)

Still me: (freaking out because I have a ton of school sh*t to do--)

I mean, seriously, I have to finish 2 more syllabi; read like,, idek know how many other pages-- but at least 10, probably more than 20; watch over 2 hours and a half of boring, meaningless narration (at least it has captions this time...); comment about those useless videos; reply to my classmates' responses to those useless videos; I'm supposed to research a topic I have an interest in to reflect on my interest in it, but we all know I ain't doing that-- (how the frig is researching supposed to help me discover MY interest in something?); go through a very not-user-friendly piece of crud with a million links; a couple of quizzes; and among all of those things, I have a daily Japanese class :3

So yes :)))

I am freaking out. I had a mini mental breakdown last night (mini because my family was helping me stay calm), and it was only the first day!!!

(At least I don't have anything on Mondays, but everything besides Japanese is due on Saturday!!!)

(Maybe I'm just not cut-out for this college sh*t.... I may be smart, but half-*ssed sh*t is not my style. I... really struggle with not doing my best. Maybe I should just give up on becoming an art teacher; as much as I would love to do that, if I can't get the degree for it because I can't finish the work on time... Ah, come to think of it, you can actually teach art without a degree at private institutions.... Maybe I should just try to do that. So, even if I don't get a major in art, I could still sub, teach at a private school, or become a translator with my Japanese major. I could also go to a different school, see if maybe it's just my school that's the problem.... The art education major at my school is pretty extensive....)

Update: (screaming and sobbing inside) And I love when my mother asks me to do chores when I'm freaking out and then tries to guilt trip me :))) I simply said that I can't do any more chores this week, and she gets furious, ranting and raving about how it's only 10 minutes. "If you don't have 10 minutes for chores, something's wrong!"

Yeah, you know what's wrong?

Me! :)

BECAUSE I F*CKING SUCK!!!!!

LIKE, SERIOUSLY, I'M TRYING TO GET THROUGH A SYLLABUS, AND YOU GO AND SHUT ME DOWN!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FINISH MY WORK SO THAT I CAN DO CHORES WHEN YOU DON'T FRIGGING LET ME DO IT?!!!!! IF YOU GET ANGRY AT ME, I GET DEPRESSED! I'M SORRY THAT I SUCK AND AM TOO SENSITIVE, BUT CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME THE FRIG ALONE?!!!

So yes, now I'm too depressed to work.... (sighs heavily) I don't want to do anything, but I should.... I have so much crud to do.... (sobs) Why is so much due on Saturday...? I can't do all of that.... Ugh...

Second Update: Apparently, I was freaking out for nothing (sorta). The documentary and our comments on it is actually due NEXT week, not this week, so that's over an hour that I don't have to do by tomorrow. Then the presentation is due not this week, not next week, but the FOLLOWING week. The not-user-friendly thing is actually a little less confusing than I thought, and that's actually due next week.

However, I'm expected to be active in the discussion boards-- And we all know terrible I am at getting back to people-- but apparently, part of our grade is responding within 24 hours-- So that kinda means that you kinda really should have things done the week prior... for art, at least.

But the Kanji stuff (reading and quizzes) is due tomorrow. And so is the other half of the boring videos and replies to it (well... those are actually due today--). So I will be freaking out today and perhaps tomorrow :) But for now, time to go to sleep--

Oh yah, and since I didn't get a head start on the stroke orders (there was no link to the page we're supposed to fill out, so I had to wait until today to start on it), I turned it in an hour before it'd be considered late (and thus get points deducted) :) I don't know how I did it; I'm slow as f on those-- I'm just glad I got it turned in on time, but I did have to delay going to the bathroom until then T^T (I only go to the bathroom once per day because time. [Also, I hate the bathroom. So yah.])

But anyway, NOW is time to go to sleep. Because I have a zoom at 9. And then another one 10 minutes after that one ends. And then I have Japanese class at 12:30 :3 Wish me luck in reviewing the Japanese daily page before then~ (I guess I'll probably have like... an hour or two to do so, which I can kind of do, but I... will be writing notes in the first two zooms, so... some of that time will be taken up by finishing my notes before I forget them-- [and maybe some time to breathe-] Lunch will definitely be after all my Zooms are finished.)

Okay, now I'm really going to bed this time--