Negative Stuff

Depression and Questioning

Oral interviews... (sighs heavily) Every time they come around, depression crashes down on me.... It doesn't help that an "artwork" my professor described on one of his videos (the video we were supposed to conjure a response to) totally traumatized me like the hentai chapter of Tokyo Ghoul :re. (sighs again) In addition, not doing, like, half of what I have on my hour schedule is greeeaaat for my depression. Let's see what I've done the past few days. Oh right, nothing but schoolwork, sleep, and necessities. Yaaaay... What's different from when I wasn't trying to stick to a schedule? (sobs) I sleep too much. I don't know why I'm always so tired.

I really can't help but wonder if maybe God's trying to give me a sign, that I shouldn't become a teacher.... My parents are worried about me finding and keeping a job. If I become a language teacher as well, I know I'll spend too much time outside school on school.... Plus, other things, too...

Meanwhile, apparently, being a literary translator would make more than a substitute, private school teacher, or an art teacher, so... (sighs heavily) Yeah, maybe I should give it up.... It's just not worth it. Art education has so many courses to take, and both art and education courses at my university are so liberal, focusing on negatives and culture. Like, CT ruined my interest in other cultures. If I take more classes that focus so much on negativity and culture..., it'll surely become even worse. (sighs and sobs)

It's fine, isn't it? I can just take the art courses I'm interested in, and explore more on my own through books and the sort. I can take whatever courses I want from now on since Japanese only has 1-2 courses each semester. Although I'd have to worry about what stupid Honors courses I'm gonna take..., but then I could definitely take Honors 3D printing with no guilt! Like, who cares if they don't give me any credit towards my major?

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'll do. I give up on education. It's not for me, or at least, it's not worth it at the school I'm at.