Negative Stuff

What Would You Like to Get Yelled at For?

My mother needs anger management classes just like my brother. She asked me to help clean up, so I did, but then she gets up to clean and expects me to do more when 1. I just ate, so the more I move around, the more nauseous I'll feel and 2. I don't have anything else that I can do. I cleaned up the tortillas, cheese, and beans to the best of my ability because those are the ingredients that I work(ed) with, but I couldn't reach a lid for the leftover beans. The rest was all crud that I don't want to even touch, like sliced tomatoes. I didn't get them out; I didn't use them; and I don't know what they want to do with them.

So I just stand around for a while because she'll get angry at me if I continue sitting or go to the bathroom, but there's nothing left that I can really do. My father directed me to throw away the bowl with sliced tomatoes and whatnot, so I did that, but it makes me feel really nauseous because I'm going back and forth, so I sit down, but then someone makes a mess in the foyer (someone meaning one of my dogs), so she asks me to help with that, and I just-- I don't know what to say, so I'm hesitating because I already feel really nauseous, and leaning over would make that even worse (probably enough to make me actually puke), but if I say that, she'll just get angry, but she gets angry about me being "silent" despite that I make noises like "I--", like frustrated hesitation noises, like I don't know what to say.

Like seriously wtf is wrong with you? I have a slow processing speed (and yes, she has gotten angry at me for not responding quickly enough in a situation where I literally was still processing what she'd said, not even to the point of processing my own response), and I think about my words. I deliberately begin statements (just a single word) to convey that I am getting frustrated with figuring out how to word my thoughts. (And it's not my fault if you don't hear those because although you may not hear my stuttered grunting, the words I begin are plenty audible; we're all just deaf. [And that's another issue, is that no one can hear in this house, yet she gets angry if you don't respond. So, if you're asleep and don't hear or if you don't hear because you're upstairs while she's downstairs, well, f*ck you; you should've helped or whatever anyway. Despite the fact that she also can't hear, so sometimes, you do hear and respond, but she just can't f*cking hear you because we're all f*cking deaf. But she'll get angry anyway because you "didn't respond" (even though you actually did, regardless of how audible your response was).])

So you have no excuse to say "you weren't responding" because I was ! And if you want to be able to use the "I didn't hear you" card, well, G*d-f*cking-d*mn it, how about you f*cking listen to us when we said we didn't hear you and/or we replied, and you just didn't hear us? Because you get away with a lot of other f*cking sh*t despite that you lose our sh*t when we do the same f*cking thing.

So it's a lose-lose because my options are 1. Say what I'm really thinking and get yelled at for feeling nauseous (and potentially say something I shouldn't have, like "you need anger management"). (Yay.) 2. Stutter and get yelled at for "not responding." 3. Stay quiet and/or ignore her (and have the same response as 2). 4. Help and puke all over the floor. (Yaaay, now we have even more to f*cking clean up-- Happy now?) Aaand she just might get angry at me for that. Yaaaay.