Negative Stuff

Too Much, No "No"s

I hate not feeling like I can say no. I need to do two loads of laundry (because I was slacking off like an idiot, letting it pile up for over three weeks), and I want to practice driving today and clean my room some.

So my parents ask if I wanna go run errands with them, and I have run errands with them thE LAST FIVE DAYS--! (I usually very rarely head out.) Yesterday, it was a complete waste of time. We went to the flea market, and there was hardly anyone there. We got snow cones, but then they go far out to Good-Will and ask if I wanna go. I say no, that I'm nowhere near finishing my shaved ice, and if I go in, my snow cone will melt (especially since I just spent a ton of time cutting the ice with my spoon-straw thing). They insisted I go, so I did. (And my mom tries to get me a ton of a shirts, but I don't like most of them, and I already looked through the aisle she was looking through.) Of course, when we get back to the car, all that's left of my snow cone is a ton of ice and a glacier. Going to Cracker Barrel afterwards was nice though.

But I don't wanna go today because I'm exhausted and sick of going on errands every single day, so I say that, and my father's like 'it's good for you to go out, for your depression and to get exercise and stuff' and insisting I go, and I'm all hot and exhausted from getting my laundry ready to go in the washer, and I feel like I don't have a choice in the matter.

And then they tell me I have to do the frigging dishes if I'm staying home.... Like, seriously?? I'm exhausted just from getting my laundry ready; I just want to take a break while my stuff's in the wash. Honestly, I just want to sleep really. I'm tired.... I don't feel like doing anything but sleep. And I hate the dishes regardless. I don't mind doing the silverware, but everything else is really hard for me because I'm small and weak.... Even the bowls are heavy for me, but the pots and pans are a frigging bear to handle.

It's also frustrating because we have too many frigging dishes, so you have to put them all in very specific places, or else they won't all fit.... Now, I don't mind that with the lighter cup-thingies, but now we have a cup with an s-t on the bottom, and all those tervises are HUGE! They also have two layers so that the bottom is smaller than the top, and it's annoying trying to get those into the cabinet. All of the glass dishes bother me though because I'm afraid I'm going to break them.... Like I said, they're really hard for me to hold and carry, so trying to fit all of those in while trying to be conscientious about not placing them on top when they don't fit inside is really, really hard. You have to go back and forth, back and forth, and since I can't carry too many at one time, I have to find places I can put the dishes, set two or three there, pull out two or three more, set 'em down, etc..

Oh, but forget saying "no, I'm hot, exhausted, and already have plenty on my mind I'm trying to get done" - mom'll have a frigging fit.... You can't say no to doing chores, so I stay quiet, trying to think of a response. I just said "ok..." today, but I have no plans of actually doing the dishes. (sighs) Which means I'll get yelled at for not doing what I was told....

(sighs) All right, I'm feeling a little better.... I... guess I'll put my clothes into the drier.... Then maybe I'll put my other clothes into the washer.... I should bring more shirt hangers down though.... (sighs again) I don't want to.... I just want to rest.... (slaps and rubs face) I should put my clothes into the drier, at least.... ... (soft sigh) Try to get the energy...