Collision

Chapter 121

The sounds of the pup's wails grated on Jeongguk's ears. He could feel frustration building, sheer exhaustion weighing heavily on his bones as he rocked the wailing three-month old pup in his arms, but to no avail.

Each step was torture. The shrill cries ringing distantly in his head as he crooned, hummed, pleaded, begged- anything to try and silence the sobbing, inconsolable babe within his embrace.

Jisung's face was red, crocodile tears sliding down his cheeks. Seyeon was screaming out her lungs from the crib, kicking and flailing her little arms to emphasize her displeasure. Jeongguk felt at his wits end as he bounced his baby boy in his arms.

"Please, baby. Please, stop crying. It's okay. Everything is okay, see?" he pleads, strained voice trembling from either lack of sleep or desperation, Jeongguk wasn't sure.

Tugging down his shirt, he maneuvers the flailing babe so that his lips were placed over his nipple. "Come on, drink. It will make you feel better."

Jisung craned his head away, screaming louder. Jeongguk felt the first wave of angry tears begin to build in his eyes as he yanked up his shirt and held a bit tighter to the baby.

"Oh, goddesses, please. Please. Stop crying. I know- I know, I don't know what to do, baby," Jeongguk sobs, setting down the baby next to his sister. Neither of them stopped screaming out their lungs, and Jeongguk tugged painfully at his hair. "I don't know how to help you both. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm a bad mom, I know. I know, please. Please, babies."

The wailing continues.

Jeongguk falls to the floor in front of their crib, pulling his legs against his chest and hanging his head as he sobs loudly. His heart was aching, his brain sluggish from lack of sleep, and bones heavy.

He rocked himself slowly, desperately trying to get himself together. Be an adult. Help the twins finally calm down and sleep.

"I don't know how to be a mom. I don't know how to be an Omega. I don't know how to do this. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do to make you feel better," Jeongguk rasps weakly, shaking his head and inhaling a shuddering breath. "I don't know anything. I'm not like Jimin, who I swear is super mom. And I am not like Yoongi who can just- handle anything with a blank face."

He shudders, hiccuping weakly when he hears Jisung quietening down slightly. Just a little, his weak little wails getting softer, but Seyeon was still screaming and kicking her legs angrily.

"I was supposed to be an Alpha. I hated being an Omega, and I hated the idea of being used for breeding," Jeongguk continued tiredly, staring towards the crib blankly. "I never thought I would be a good mother. I'm impatient sometimes. Hot-headed too. But I love pups. I love you both so much. I love you more than I love my wolf, but I feel so lost. When I was carrying you, I- I struggled. But it was easier. You were just in my belly. Problem solved, and now I just- how do I do this? How do I be your mom?"

Jisung gurgles weakly, coughing weakly from his cries. Jeongguk stumbles to his feet, bending over and pulling the babe against him and rocking him gently as he smoothes down his peach fuzz hair and kisses his head.

"I promised Yoongi I would try. I promised Yoongi that I wanted you, and moonbeams, I do. I love you so much, Jisung. Seyeon. My precious pups," he murmurs against Jisung's head, rocking him slowly. "But please be patient with me. I am still learning. I am still figuring out how to be this version of me, I think."

Seyeon stopped crying. Her golden eyes stared up at Jeongguk, tiny fist in her mouth, and Jisung had fisted Jeongguk's shirt and slobbered over his shoulder. Smiling faintly, relieved that the crying stopped, he holds Jisung a fraction tighter.