Sick and Tired

Chapter 2

I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters

TW: ED,SH, depression, suicide

Meredith arrived at the hospital and headed straight to the locker room to change into her scrubs. Cristina was already in there and was waiting for Meredith to arrive.

Meredith said hello to Cristina and grabbed her scrubs and went into the bathroom to change. She didn't want Cristina to notice how much weight she'd lost. She was feeling anxious all of a sudden and really felt the urge to cut herself but didn't have anything sharp at that moment.

She started to feel lightheaded from not eating  and slowly sat down on the floor with her head between her knees. "You're fine" she told herself. After the dizziness passed, she walked out of the bathroom and Cristina could see how  pale Meredith was. "Meredith are you ok?

"Yep, I'm good" Meredith said. "Come on, let's go find Bailey for our assignments today.

The two walked over the pit where they found Bailey waiting for them.
"Yang, you're with Dr. Shepherd today"
"Grey, you're with me in the pit today" she wanted to keep Meredith near her since Derek asked her to keep an eye out on Meredith. "Grey, you doing ok? You look kind of pale. Are you sure you're feeling ok?"

"I'm fine, can everyone stop asking me how I am" she snapped at her.

Dr. Bailey and Cristina looked at each other in shock. Meredith never snapped at people especially residents or attendings.

Everyone asking how she was doing was making Meredith's anxiety even worse. She doesn't want anyone to catch on to how she's really doing. She's been feeling a lot of physical symptoms lately but just trying to make sure no one sees. She gets dizzy all of the time but tries to hide it so that no one catches on to the fact that she is lightheaded. They would find that strange since she's supposedly healthy with no reason to be lightheaded. Meredith knows she's dizzy all of the time because she's not eating but she just can't bring herself to eat anything. She just wants to lose weight so she just doesn't eat or only eats to get people off her back.

A few hours later it was lunchtime.

"Hey wanna go get some lunch? I'm starving" Cristina asked Meredith.

"No thanks, I'm not that hungry right now. I had a snack an hour ago and I'm still full." Meredith lied.

"Mer, you should eat something. You are so tiny and I can tell you've lost weight. Are you ok?"

"For the last time I'm fine! Leave me alone! I ate a snack an hour ago!" Meredith yelled this and ran off. It's getting so hard to control her emotions due to not eating and she just couldn't handle it anymore. She is really feeling the urge to go cut herself. She mentally yells at herself for blowing up and knows people are going to talk now. She is crying as she runs into a supply closet and locks the door.

Little did she know that Dr. Bailey and Derek were standing nearby and heard her entire outburst. They knew at point something was wrong with Meredith and they needed to figure out what.

Meredith sat in the supply closet crying. She grabbed a scalpel and made some cuts on her wrist as she silently cried. After she cleaned and bandaged her wrist she started crying even more. She was so scared that her secret was going to be found out. She is repeating a few phrases in her head: you need to lose weight, you're so fat, I can't do this anymore.

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