Sick and Tired

Chapter 64

TW: ED, SH

It's a few days since Meredith has been discharged from the hospital. All she's been allowed to do is just lay in bed. And she despises only laying in bed. It is making her feel very bad about herself. She feels very lazy.

"Derek!" Meredith called out. After a minute of not getting a response back she decides to get out of bed, not caring that she's not supposed to.

She hops on her good foot over to her crutches that she uses to get to the bathroom and slowly makes her way to the stairs. She gets to the stairs and hesitates for a moment, unsure of how to get down the stairs. She is about to attempt to get down the stairs using her crutches when Derek sees her.

"Meredith! What are you doing out of bed?! And really, you're going to hurt yourself more if you try to go down the stairs with your crutches."

"I called you but you didn't hear me. And I just feel so lazy being in bed all of the time." Meredith told him softly. "It's going to make me fat."

"It won't make you fat Meredith, I promise you. I know it seems that way but it won't. You will be fine." He walks up the stairs to get closer to her. "Now, I am picking you up so you are off of your feet. This is not following your bed rest rules." He picks her up bridal style and carries her towards her room.

"Derek! I can walk!"

"No you can't. If you exercise or even move around too much you could hinder your healing. You wouldn't want to be stuck in bed even longer now would you?" Derek asks her.

He places her in bed and pulls the covers over her.

"No." She says softly. She starts to cry slightly. "I just know I'm going to gain weight. I'm not doing any exercise or just everyday movement and I'm terrified that I'm going to gain weight. I don't like not doing anything. I need to move some."

"Mer, I know this is really hard on your eating disorder but you can do this. Just tell your eating disorder that you will not gain any weight from laying in bed."

"But-"

"But nothing. You have to follow your discharge instructions. Otherwise you'll be back in the hospital and you'll be injured longer."

"I just need exercise." She says, sobbing. She grabs Dr Bear and tries to get out of bed but Derek stops her.

"Please! Let me exercise! I can't lay in bed all the time, I just can't do it." She is starting to have a panic attack.

"Mer, breathe."

"No! I can't. I need exercise which no one will let me do. And I need Cristina but she hates me! I'm going to get fat because of being hurt! My life sucks! I hate it so much!" She is hyperventilating and crying now.

"Mer, you need to calm down. You're going to pass out if you don't."

"I- don't- care." She says sobbing.

"Meredith please try to calm down. Breathe for me."

"I can't!"

"Yes you can. Copy my breathes. In. Out. In. Out." Eventually she starts to copy his breathing and slowly gets her breathing back to normal.

Meredith is feeling exhausted from that panic attack and falls asleep once she calms down.

Derek sighs once she is asleep. He feels so bad for her. That was a really bad panic attack that she had. He knows that her being on bed rest will continue to trigger her. He just hopes he can get her through this without and setbacks to her injury or to her anorexia. He is terrified she'll relapse at some point.

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Derek lays in bed with a sleeping Meredith for 15 minutes before he decides to go call Dr Bailey.

"What do you want Shepherd? Is Meredith okay?"

"She's okay now. She had a massive panic attack but is now sleeping. She doesn't like being on bed rest. She got really triggered from not being allowed to be out of bed. She's scared she's going to gain weight from not being able to exercise or move around." Derek tells her.

Bailey sighs. "I knew she'd have a problem with this. This is only the beginning of her bed rest. Shepherd you need to keep her in bed. If she is up and about too much it'll set her back."

"I know. And I told her that also. I caught her out of bed at the beginning of this whole thing also."

"You let her out of bed?! You stupid brain man."

"Hey! I didn't let her out of bed! I caught her out of bed! She was about to attempt to go down the stairs with her crutches and luckily I caught her otherwise she could've gotten even more hurt."

Bailey groans to herself. "Ughhhh come on Grey, you're smarter than that."

"Bailey you know just as much as I do that when she is in her eating disorder she doesn't think right. Realistically she knows she has to stay in bed but her eating disorder hates that and is telling her that she'll gain weight if she follows the rules."

"I know, I know. Well we'll just have to keep a very close eye on her. We can't have her getting hurt more. And we don't need this to trigger a relapse for her eating disorder." Bailey says. "Shepherd, I'm being paged. Gotta go." She hangs up.

Derek rubs his forehead, feeling stressed with this whole situation.

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Two hours later Meredith wakes up from her nap.

"Dr Bear, it's time to exercise. We can't just lay in bed all day. That'll make us get fat."

She takes her covers off and starts exercising in bed.

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