Sick and Tired

Chapter 38

TW: ED,SH

The next morning Meredith woke up all puffy eyed from crying during the night. The nurse comes in shortly after Meredith's vitals and weight were taken-neither of which went well this morning. Meredith is extra stubborn right now. She needs things to go the way she wants them when it's something hard. If the way she has grown comfortable with doesn't work out for some reason then it gets super challenging for her. Which is why Cristina being gone is extra tough for her.

Bailey struggled to get Meredith on the scale this morning. It took a lot of begging and pleading with her to step on the scale. Eventually Bailey got her weight but as usual wasn't happy with it as it was still too low. Even with her eating, her weight isn't going up. Bailey sighed to herself when she saw the number on the scale. She's still wicked underweight Bailey thought in her head.

They are going to be adding more food today to Meredith's meal plan on top of Cristina being away. They were going to wait until she ate 100% but it needs to be added now.

"Okay Mer! Let's go back to your room for breakfast!"

"I'm not eating." Meredith said stubbornly.

"Meredith." Bailey said looking her in the eyes.

"Bailey I don't care. I can't do it without Cristina. I'm not eating." Meredith said glaring at Bailey.

Bailey ignored Meredith and pushed her back into her room. She helped her get back into bed and attached all of her iv's and heart monitor to her.

"Meredith. I need to tell you something. I have to up your meal plan today. Your weight isn't increasing at all even with you eating which tells us that this meal plan isn't a high enough one for your body." Bailey said.

Meredith burst into tears. "No I can't do more. I was finally eating more and then Cristina left me. And now that she's gone you want to add more food? I can't do that. Please don't make me."

"Meredith I'm sorry but we have to add it. Would you want to see if Cristina is available to talk after you have breakfast?"

"Yeah" Meredith said with tears running down her face. "Bailey?"

"Yeah Mer?"

"I'm having a hard time. It's always been so hard but it's gotten so much harder now that I'm eating more or well I was eating more. I'm not eating now that Cristina is away. I'm never going to get better. There's always going to be something that's going to get in the way and make it harder. I hate this. Even if I somehow manage to recover but I doubt that I know I'll relapse at some point. I'm sorry, but it's the truth." Meredith confessed to Bailey.

"I'm glad you were able to tell me that. That took a lot of courage to do that. And you just need to think positive and tell yourself that you can even if you don't believe it at the moment."

"K" Meredith said barely listening. Her food was being brought into the room and it was making her really anxious. "I can't eat that. I'm not gonna eat that."

Derek walked into the room at that moment and heard Bailey speaking to Meredith. "Meredith remember to stay positive. Don't say you can't eat it. Just try to eat it okay?" Bailey said. Meredith nodded. Bailey left the room since Derek was there now.

Meredith still refused to eat even with Derek there. He tried to encourage her but she just wasn't having it. "Derek can we cuddle?" She asked.

"After you eat." He said.

"No now."

"Meredith you need to eat first."

"But I already said I wasn't going to eat anything so we can just skip to cuddling? Don't you miss me? I miss sleeping with you. Please Derek."

"Meredith as much as I want to we need to wait until breakfast is over. You need to eat."

"NO I AM NOT EATING! I NEED CRISTINA!" And without that she picked up items from her food and started throwing them so she wouldn't have to eat them.

"Meredith stop right now!" Derek said in a firm voice. "You are not allowed to throw food! You know better!"

"I just don't want to eat right now." She said crying.
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A few hours have passed. Meredith got to cuddle with Derek which she loved but he had to leave and she's alone again. She is feeling really bad about herself. "I don't want to be here." She said to herself. "I need Cristina" she whispered to herself.

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Bailey came into her room soon after lunch was over. Meredith refused to eat again. Cristina needs to come back soon so Meredith will eat, Bailey thought to herself.

Seeing that Meredith was crying, Bailey offered for her to try calling Cristina which she said yes to instantly.

Bailey gave Meredith her phone and left the room to give her some privacy and told her she'd be back in a little while.

Meredith dialed Cristina's phone number and it just rang and rang. Eventually it went to her voicemail which made Meredith cry more. She left a voicemail saying that she needed her person and to come back. She sobbed the whole time she was recording the voice mail.

Five minutes pass and then Bailey's phone rings. Meredith sees it's Cristina and picks up right away.

"Cristina I need you. Please come home" Meredith sobbed.

"Mer I'm so sorry I had to leave. Bailey called me earlier and told me you're having a really hard time. You need to eat Mer. You need to eat even if I'm not there. You can do this. Can you try for me please?"Cristina asked.

"I can try"Meredith said in between sobs.

They talked for a while before Bailey came back and said she needed her phone back.

"Okay Mer I'll see you soon okay? I'll be home either tomorrow night or the morning after okay? Please eat for me? I love you Meredith Grey."

"I love you too Cristina Yang"

Surprise another chapter tonight!!! More Derek content in this chapter!