Sick and Tired

Chapter 35

TW: ED, SH

The next few days were some of the hardest that Meredith has ever experienced. She's thrown many fits and had many meltdowns over the amount of food she has to eat. The thoughts running through her head are that it's going to make her become fat and she doesn't want that at all. However, she has managed to eat a little from each meal. The tears would come after each meal.

Dr. Bailey came into Meredith's room and smiled at Meredith. "Hello Meredith"

"Hi" Meredith said softly. Her fingers were playing with the ends of her blanket.

"So I wanted to come talk to you. I know it's still really hard for you to eat but you are starting to eat. And I am so proud of you for that. Even though it's not a lot of food from each meal it's still progress considering how you were refusing to eat at all. So I am going to lower the amount you are getting through your NG tube. How's that sound?"

"Good, I don't need all that. I want to go home Bailey."

"I know you want to go home. Once we get you to a healthy weight and you are eating and doing better we will discharge you. It'll still be a while but you are starting to eat again and I'm so proud of you. We all are."

"I feel like I'm not doing well though. I can't manage to eat much still."

"Meredith,honey, we knew it would take a while for you to complete 100% of your meals. You haven't been eaten so it makes sense that you'll gradually be able to eat more. And maybe tomorrow you'll be able to eat a little bit more."

"I guess." Meredith said softly. "I just miss my bed and being able to go to Joe's. I need Derek and Cristina."

"I know. Do you want Cristina to come in again while you eat dinner tonight?" That gets a nod from Meredith. "Okay. I will have her come and sit with you then. They'll be bringing you dinner in around 30 minutes so I'll page her in ten minutes okay? You can do this Meredith. I know you can."

Meredith averts her eyes from Bailey and feels embarrassed hearing all of the praise coming from her.

_______________________________

Thirty-five minutes later Cristina arrives on the psych floor. She hears a patient crying loudly and knows right away it's Meredith. "Crap." She says and runs to Meredith's room down the hall.

Before she gets there she hears Meredith yell,"No! I don't want this! You're just trying to make me fat! I want Cristina!" Cristina gets to Meredith's room just in time to see Meredith throw apple sauce at the nurse.

"Meredith, Mer, calm down. It's okay. I'm here. I'm sorry, I just got out of surgery. I didn't mean to be late, I'm so sorry." Cristina said.

"It's not because you're late. She's been upset about something even before I came in here. I'm not sure why? Maybe she'll tell you? Thanks for sitting with her." And with that the nurse leaves the room.

"Her Mer, look at me."

Mer slowly looks at her tears running down her face. "I don't want to eat and you can't make me. I don't care that you're my person. I don't want to eat tonight. So don't even try!" Meredith yelled at Cristina.

"Mer stop yelling. It's not helping anything. First, you can't throw food at anyone. You know better. I know you're scared but you can't take it out on people. Okay?"

Meredith nodded.

"Second, why are you so upset? I hate seeing you so upset. You can tell me, I'm you're my person."

Silence.

"Mer? Please talk to me."

Meredith sighs and said softly, "I had a flashback."

"Of what sweetie?"

"M-my mom. S-she would y-yell at me at me and say that I didn't need to eat something or if I ate something it would make me fat. And she would make this meal that the nurse just brought me and say I only should eat a tiny bit of it or else it would become instant fat on my body."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you. That was not cool that she said that to you. She had no right. But Mer, you're allowed to eat any food you want. It doesn't matter if it's an unhealthy food. Remember you can have anything in moderation? And you need to eat to satisfy your hunger. I promise you this meal won't make you fat. Your mom just said that to make you upset. She knew it would bother you. And she just said it over and over to you to make you feel bad about yourself I'm assuming."

"Yeah." Meredith said softly.

"And I know you said you don't want to eat but you need to eat. We need you to get better so you can get out of here and we can go have fun again and make fun of Alex and George again. I want to go to Joe's with you so badly but I can't until you're discharged. So what about if you say screw you Ellis and eat this meal? Just try to eat as much as you can. Can you do that for me Mer?"

"I can try." She said softly.

(TW if percentages are triggering)Eventually Meredith was able to get 35-40% of this meal down. It was hard but she did it. "I can't eat anymore I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry! Meredith even though you aren't able to complete your meals yet you're still eating so much more! You're doing the same amounts of all of your meals and that's a humongous improvement! Plus I heard Bailey lowered the amount of food going in through your ng tube since you're eating! That's amazing! I'm so proud of you!

Cristina took the food away from Meredith since she knew Meredith was done. She leaned in and gave Meredith a big hug. "I'm so proud of you."

Meredith is struggling but is starting to improve! I hope you liked it! Comment any suggestions if you have any!