Sick and Tired

Chapter 66

TW ED, SH

It's a week later and Meredith is hating being on bed rest more and more. She wants to get out of bed and do stuff but no one will let her for her safety. Meredith is still following her meal plan but she's been complaining about it a lot lately and saying it should be lower if she's on bed rest. However nobody from her treatment team will lower her meal plan.

Meredith wakes up one morning and sits up in bed. But sitting up is harder today just because of how weak her muscles have gotten from doing nothing.

"Oh no oh no, my body is heavier" Meredith panics to herself. "See I knew laying in bed would make me gain weight, I can't even lift up my own body easily anymore. It takes more of an effort now to do so." She rambles to herself. She doesn't realize it's just because her muscles are just weak from lack of use.

"I need to know what I weigh." Meredith's mind is going so fast right now and she is feeling so anxious from thinking she's gained weight.

Meredith makes up her mind and decides she will weigh herself. She slowly gets out of bed, grabs her crutches and makes her way to the bathroom. She finds the scale that Derek hid from her in the bathroom and sets it on the ground. She undresses and turns on the scale and steps onto it. She looks at the number that it says and instantly panics when it's higher.

"No no no no no. This can't be happening." Meredith paces around the bathroom crying and thinking about the number she just saw on the scale. "I've gained so much weight oh my God. I can't do this. I need it to be lower. I can't handle this!" She doesn't think about the fact that her big, bulky cast would add at least 5 pounds.

Meredith's cries turn into full on sobs. She needs to feel something else and decides to cut herself. She grabs a razor and cuts her thigh multiple times. She watches the blood run down her leg. "I hate my life so much." She makes a few more cuts on her stomach.

Derek is downstairs and realizes he thinks he hears Meredith crying. He rushes upstairs and into the bedroom only to find the bed empty. He hears Meredith sobbing in the bathroom.

"Mer? What's wrong sweetie?"

She ignores him and continues crying. She makes a few more cuts on her leg. And then a few more on her leg and stomach. Two of the new cuts she made a little two deep by accident which will need stitches but she doesn't care. She's so deep in her eating disorder right now that she's not able to process anything. "I hate my life. I hate my body. I weigh too much. I can't have that." She mutters to herself. She is sitting with her back to the wall and her knees up to her chest and is holding onto the razor blade while resting her head on top of her knees.

"Meredith? I'm coming in." No answer. Her sobs just continue and rise in volume. Derek opens the door and sees Meredith sobbing with a razor blade clutched in her hand. He sees a scale in the middle of the floor.

He rushes over to Meredith and tries to take the razor blade out of her hand. "Mer, please give me that."

"No! I need it!" She refuses to give him the blade. "I hate my life Derek! Just let me die! Bailey should have let me kill myself when I had the chance."

Derek's heart breaks when he hears those words come out of Meredith's mouth. "Mer, please. You need to give me the blade." Somehow he manages to get it out of Meredith's hand. He notices blood from cuts on her hand where she was gripping the blade hard. "Mer, I need to clean you up. I know you cut yourself so I need to check your cuts out."

No response. She just continues to sob with her head on her knees. "No you don't need to look at them. You'll see my body which is way too fat."

"Mer, did you weigh yourself? Is that why you're so upset this morning?"

She looks up at him and says "I'm so fat. I'm huge. Why did you guys make me gain all of this weight? I didn't need it! I was better off the way I was! Now I'm soo fat! Everyone can see it!"

"You are not fat Meredith. Not at all." He continues to say soothing things to her. He somehow manages to get her to lay on her back so he can look at her new cuts. He sees a lot of fresh cuts on her stomach and thighs. He grabs what he needs to clean them up. He notices a few of the cuts need stitches.

"Meredith, a few of these cuts need stitches. We need to go to the hospital."

"Noooooo, they'll see how fat I am."

"Mer, you're not fat at all and we need to get these stitched up!"

"They'll see how fat I am. I don't wanna go!" She says sobbing.

"Mer, you need to. Let's get some clothes on you. He grabs some sweatpants and a hoodie for her to put on and helps her put them on.

He picks her up since she's not supposed to walk and he knows she won't go anyways and brings her to the car.

"No! I don't want to go to the hospital!" Meredith tries to open the door but he made sure she couldn't unlock it on her side by child locking it.

They get to the hospital and he carries her over to the ER entrance. He walks in with her and sees a lot of familiar faces. Meredith is still sobbing and has her head buried in his chest.

"Derek? What happened to her?" Bailey asks, rushing over.

"I'm so fat!" Meredith sobs.

Derek says "She needs stitches. She cut herself a lot and some of them need stitches."

Bailey looks at Derek with a concerned look on her face. "Mer, sweetie you are not fat." To Derek she says "Let's bring her to exam room 2.

They get into the room and Bailey says "Let's lay you down on the gurney so I can examine you."

Derek lays her on the gurney and Meredith curls into a ball.

"Mer, I need you to lay flat on your back please." Bailey tells her.

"No! You'll see how fat I am!" She yells. "I can't be on bed rest! It's making me fat! I've gained weight! I need to get it off of me!"

Derek and Bailey both look very concerned about Meredith. Bailey somehow gets her on her back and she cleans the cuts more. She proceeds to stitch up Meredith's cuts.

Meredith is still sobbing and keeps repeating how fat she is. "I'm so fat. I'm so fat. I'm so fat. I'm so fat."

"Derek I'm going to sedate her. She needs to calm down and nothing is helping her right now. She's in too much of a state for anything else to do any good right now."

"I agree. Go for it."

Bailey gets the syringe ready. Once it's ready she cleans Meredith's skin and then sticks her with the needle.

"I'm so fat, I'm fat, I'm so-" Meredith falls asleep.

Derek and Bailey both let out a big sigh of relief.

I hope you liked it! Let me know if you have any suggestions!