Sick and Tired

Chapter 55

TW: ED, SH

It's Meredith's first day back at work. She has to get there early for rounds so she set her alarm the night before to wake her up early. She is driving in on her own because Derek doesn't have to go in till later.

When her alarm goes off that morning she quickly shuts it off, not wanting to wake Derek. Derek told her the night before to leave Dr Bear at home. She didn't like him telling her that. She wanted to bring him with her. He kept telling her to leave the bear at home.

She gets out of bed and goes to her bathroom to get ready. After a while she is ready for the day. She knows she has to eat breakfast but a part of her doesn't want to eat it that morning. But she goes against that thought and has it anyway.

Meredith is really excited to go back to work. She's so excited to get to wear her scrubs again. It's been such a long time since she was last in them. She's worried about seeing Cristina since she is also an intern.

Meredith grabs her bear and the stuff that she needs for the day. She gets her keys and heads to her car. She puts the bear in the passenger seat and buckles him in. Even bears need to be safe and buckled in in the car. Soon they reach the hospital and Meredith smiles to herself.

She grabs her stuff and Dr Bear and heads inside the building and goes to the locker room. She sees Dr Bailey walking down the hall.

Dr Bailey notices Meredith holding her bear and walks towards her. "Grey come here." Meredith walks over to her. "First of all welcome back. Second, why did you bring your bear? Please put him in your locker." Derek had told her about Meredith regressing and using the bear as one of her coping skills. She made a note in her head to tell Derek about Meredith bringing the bear.

"But-" Meredith starts to argue before she is interrupted by Bailey. "No buts Grey. Bears aren't allowed. He goes in your locker. The entire day Grey. And I better not see you bringing him to any other shifts."

"Okay..." Meredith sighs. She goes into the locker room and puts Dr Bear in her locker. "I'm sorry Dr Bear." She grabs her scrubs in the size she wore last and was devastated when she put them on and they didn't fit her anymore. "No, no, no. This can't be happening." She says sitting on the bench staring at the wall. She has tears coming down her face.

Izzie sees her crying and walks over. "Mer! What's wrong??"

"M-my scrubs don't fit. They are supposed to fit. These are my size."

"It's okay Meredith! You had to gain weight to be healthy. That's all it is! I bet those are the scrubs you wore when you lost a lot of weight am I right?" Meredith nods. "Okay. See that's why. Those scrubs aren't supposed to fit you when your healthy. Let's get you some scrubs that will fit your body. Your healthy body."

"But I need this size!" She says crying. Just then Bailey comes into the locker room to give out assignments for the day. She doesn't notice that Izzie and Meredith aren't there. "Yang, you're with Burke. O'Malley, Addison Shepherd. Stevens, pit. Grey, pit. Karev, you're on scut."

"Oh come on!" Karev complains.

"Karev, do not try me today. I know what you did." Bailey says eyeing Karev. "Hey, where's Stevens and Grey?"

"They went into the bathrooms. There was an issue and Meredith started freaking out." O'Malley told her.

"Everybody out!" The rest of the interns go to where they are assigned for the day. Bailey heads to the bathrooms and opens the door. She sees Stevens trying to get a crying Meredith to put on the new scrubs.

"Stevens I've got this." She said softly. "Go to the pit." Izzie nods and leaves. "Hey Grey. What's wrong?"

Meredith looks at her and just cries. "My scrubs don't fit anymore and I don't want to wear the size up. I can't wear the size up."

"I know it's hard but you can do it. Just think if you want to be back at work you have to wear the scrubs. And you need to wear ones that fit you correctly. Do you want to be back at work?"

"Yes."

"Okay then. Let's put those scrubs on."

"Bailey? I thought you didn't like me?"

"What are you talking about Grey? Of course I like you."

"I just- I thought you didn't." Meredith finally puts on the scrubs.

"Remember that a lot of the things you think aren't true. You think you're fat but you are not. You think you're a bad person but you're not. You think I don't like you but that's not true either. See a lot of the things you think aren't actually true. You just have to fight through those intrusive thoughts." Bailey tells her. Meredith nods.

"Okay, come on Meredith. You're assigned to the pit today." Both of them walk to the pit.

Meredith is having some intrusive thoughts in her head right now. She really feels the need to be reckless and not care about her safety or well-being. She needs a way to cope and she can't have her bear right now nor can she use eating disorder behaviors. So she resorts to being reckless with her safety.

Meredith works in the pit for the day and later goes out to the ambulance bay. She's the only one out there. She needed to get away for a few minutes.

She's not on her own for long as Dr Bailey and other doctors come out to wait for an incoming ambulance. She decides to stay and help.

The ambulance comes a minute later and she runs quickly towards it as it's making its way to the entranceway. She runs toward the ambulance not caring that it has the potential to hit her as she runs out to her. She is quickly yanked back by Dr Bailey before hearing her name yelled out.

"GREY! What are you doing? Do you want to get hurt or something?" She looks at Meredith's face. "You know what, don't answer that. I don't want to know."

I hope you liked it!