Sick and Tired

78

TW ED SH SUICIDE ATTEMPT please be careful reading

It's been three days since she started PT. Ever since the incident Callie has refused to have her go back unless she does light exercises for her leg. Callie insists that she start the recommended exercises at home for a while with Derek monitoring her.

Ever since the incident Derek has monitored her very closely and always has his eyes on her. Meredith feels like she can't do anything by herself anymore.

Derek tries to get her to eat but she refuses every time. Derek has been taking her vitals multiple times a day because he is so worried about her. He sees that Meredith is extremely weak all the time and has absolutely zero energy. Derek decides that she has no choice but to eat.

Derek prepares a lunch for the two of them with Meredith watching his every move. She doesn't want to eat it but still wants to see what he does with the food preparation.

"Okay. Meredith I know you don't want to eat but you have to. We are not leaving this table until you eat this full meal. I don't care how long it takes you. We will sit here for hours if we have to."

"But-" Meredith starts to say but is interrupted by Derek.

"No buts Meredith. You will eat this entire meal. If you don't I will take you straight to Seattle Grace and give you a feeding tube." Derek says.

"No. Please no." Meredith says crying.

"Then eat." Derek says, looking her in the eyes.

Meredith states at her food for a while feeling extremely anxious. She doesn't want to eat but she doesn't want a feeding tube. She decides she'll try to eat this meal and this meal only. She figures Derek won't threaten her with a feeding tube at every meal.

Meredith starts to silently cry and eats a tiny bite of her food. Her anxiety picks up when she takes a bite. After thirty minutes she has half of her food complete.

"Derek please. Can I be done?" She says sobbing.

"I'm sorry Mer. But you need the food. If you want to be done you can but we'll be going to the hospital and getting you a feeding tube."

"It's not fair!" She sobs.

"I know it's hard but you can do it."

She just continues crying. She stares at the wall for a while before taking another bite. She feels so full.

"I'm so full. Please let me stop." She cries.

"Okay. You can stop. Let's go get ready to go to the hospital." Derek says sighing.

"No! I don't want to go to the hospital!" She yells while sobbing.

"Okay then finish eating. I know it's hard but I believe in you."

Meredith lays her head down on the table and cries. After a while she lifts her head up and eats a little more. After another thirty minutes she finishes.

"Good job Meredith. I'm so proud of you!" Derek says smiling.

"I'm not proud of myself! I'm so fat! I'm going to gain so much weight! I can't do this Derek! I can't!" Her ed voice is so loud right now and won't let her focus on anything else. She feels so guilty for eating.

She looks up at Derek. "I'm done! I can't do this anymore Derek! I can't! I want to die! My life sucks! I hate my life! I want to die!" With that she stands up from the table and runs up the stairs behind her sobbing nonstop.

Meredith runs up the stairs and into their bathroom. She slams the door shut and locks it.

Derek feels so scared right now and is worried she is going to hurt herself. He runs up the stairs behind her and hears her slam the door closed.

"Meredith!" He yells. Derek tries to open the bathroom door but finds it's locked. "Meredith please open the door!" He yells desperately only to get sobs back in response.

Meredith is so done. So done with her life. She grabs her razor from its hiding place.

"Goodbye Derek. I love you." She whispers. She then makes a deep cut on one arm and watches the blood come out of her arm. She hears Derek yelling for her to open the door but ignores him.

Derek knows she is trying to hurt herself so he calls for an ambulance. "Hi, I think my girlfriend is trying to kill herself. She's locked herself into the bathroom." He talks to them for a few and is told an ambulance is on its way.

Meredith makes another deep cut on the other arm. She makes a few more cuts for good measure. She feels so calm at this point and knows it will all be over soon.

Meredith is feeling the effects of the blood loss and soon passes out.

Derek is still trying to get into the bathroom. He hears pounding at the door and runs downstairs and lets the EMT's inside. They rush upstairs and somehow get the locked door open.

They open the door and see Meredith unconscious with a razor blade by her hand and blood surrounding her.

Derek sobs when he sees her.

The EMT's rush over to Meredith and check for a pulse. They are able to find a weak pulse. They put pressure on her wrists and get her onto a stretcher. They rush her out to the ambulance with Derek following close behind.

"I'm coming with you." Derek tells them which they agree to.

They put on the siren and speed away to Seattle Grace.

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"Trauma coming in." Bailey tells Yang. "Let's go."

Bailey and Yang quickly go out to wait for the ambulance.

The ambulance arrives just a few minutes later. The doors open and an EMT jumps out. "Meredith Grey. 27 year old female. Attempted suicide." He brings Meredith's stretcher out of the ambulance. Derek jumps out behind him.

Cristina hears and then sees that it's Meredith in the ambulance and that she attempted suicide and breaks down sobbing. "Meredith?"

Bailey takes charge. "Okay get her to trauma room one!" She yells. She is upset and worried but has no time for that. She needs to do everything she can to save her intern's life.

"She has a very weak pulse and lots of blood loss." An EMT tells Bailey.

Bailey quickly gets Meredith into trauma one and quickly starts to examine her.

Cristina comes into trauma room one and is still sobbing. She instantly regrets everything that she has done to Meredith. She wishes she hadn't been so mean to her. She regrets everything she has done. "I'm so sorry Meredith! You're my person! Please live!" She whispers sliding against the wall to a sitting position. "I need my person back. I need you to live Meredith Grey."