Sick and Tired

Chapter 31

I don't own grey's or any of its characters

TW: ED, SH, SUICIDAL

True to her word, there is always a nurse or an intern in Meredith's room keeping an eye on her. She tries to make them leave but they never do. She wants them to leave so she can be by herself. She has been feeling major urges to self harm. Since they won't leave she just lays in her bed and sobs.

"Please leave." She says in between sobs.

"I'm sorry, I have to stay here for your own safety." The nurse tells her.

"I won't do anything I promise."

"Unfortunately I can't trust you to not harm yourself."

Meredith rolls her eyes and continues to cry.

A few hours later Meredith has an idea. Deep down it's a bad one but she doesn't care. She just needs to feel something. And she decides to do it while it's the intern's time to babysit her. She figures she'll be able to get away easier with what she wants to do.

"Can I shower please?" Meredith asks the intern. She is being as nice as possible so that she can get her way. She overheard some nurses saying that she is the most stubborn patient they have ever had. That makes her feel good in a weird way.

"Sure. But I'm going to be standing right outside the door and you have to either sing or count loudly the entire time you're in there."

"Yay thank you!" Meredith smiles. Now it's the harder part of her plan. "Could I possibly shave? Can I have my razor please?" Meredith gives the intern puppy dog eyes.

"Uhhhh I don't think I can let you do that. You can shower but you're currently on a suicide watch and we know you're a self harmer."

"Please????"

"Meredith I don't think I can let you. I'm sorry."

"But I'm soooo hairy. It's so gross. Imagine if you weren't allowed to shave for the longest time. My leg hair is almost as long as the hair on my head. Just kidding but it's long."

"Okay. Fine. If you promise me you won't self harm." The nurse says, giving in to Meredith.

"Omg thank you! I promise." Meredith lies to the nurse.

"I'm going to page someone in here to watch you while I go and grab your razor." Another intern comes in two minutes later to watch Meredith while she goes and grabs the razor. Before the intern comes in the room they quickly talk out in the hallway, while still watching Meredith through the window.

"After she showers you MUST remember to take the razor back from her. Also you have to check to see if she self harmed in there." The intern says to the other intern.

"Got it." The new intern goes to watch Meredith and the other one goes off to grab the razor.

A few minutes later the intern returns and unlocks the bathroom door for Meredith. She then disconnects Meredith from all her IV's and everything.

Meredith goes into the bathroom and turns on the shower. She takes her clothes off and gets into the shower. She quickly starts to wash her body.

"Meredith! Please sing or count!"

"Oops sorry I forgot! One, two, three..."She continues to count the whole time she is in there. She finishes washing her hair and her body and quickly shaves. She starts to self harm. She makes cuts on her thighs. After making six new cuts she cleans the cuts in the shower and watches the blood from the cuts go down the drain. Two of the cuts are deeper than she meant to cut but she doesn't have anything to bandage them up with. She just presses down on them with toilet paper to try to make them stop bleeding. She sighs to herself thinking that'll have to work for now and hopes it doesn't start to bleed again.

She quickly puts her pajamas back on. She opens the door and stops counting.

"I'm done!"

"Great. Let me have that razor back." Meredith gave the razor to the intern even though she really didn't want to. "Okay now I need to check you for new self harm scars since you were alone in there with the razor. Please take off your pajamas. Top and bottom. You can stay in your bra and underwear.

Meredith starts to panic. "W-what? Why? I didn't self harm." She lies. "Can't you just trust me?"

"I'm sorry Meredith but I need you to just be in your bra and undies right now."

Meredith knows she's about to be in big trouble. The new cuts are obviously very visible. She slowly takes off her top and then her pants.

The intern checks her for new cuts and spies the new ones on her thighs immediately. "Oh Meredith. You cut yourself again. I have to tell your team about that. Let's go clean those up." They go back in the bathroom and the intern cleans up the cuts. Meredith has tears running down her face. "Meredith a few of these need stitches." She pages someone to bring her medical supplies. Once she has what she needs she has Meredith lay down in her bed. She injects her with local anesthesia and quickly stitches Meredith's cuts up.

After this is done Meredith cries herself to sleep. She knows she's in big trouble with her team.

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Bailey checks Meredith's chart to see if anything has come up and sees that she got caught self harming with a razor while in the shower. "Who let her have a razor???" She muttered angrily to herself. "She's on suicide watch. Are we seriously that stupid?"  Bailey is getting more and more worried about Meredith Grey.

I hope you liked! Okay so her big breakdown is in the next chapter haha. Sorry! I needed to get this in there!