Sick and Tired

Ch 68

TW ED, SH

It's been a week since Meredith has been released from the hospital. Meredith has been secretly doing a lot of exercise in her room. She always makes sure to pay attention to if Derek was coming towards the room or not. She couldn't get caught. She just couldn't.

Derek would bring her food throughout the day and she would eat a little bit of it and then he would go downstairs to do whatever it is neurosurgeons like to do for fun. She would dump the food out her window into the bush to avoid eating it. No one ever goes near that bush so she figures that a good place to get rid of it. Especially since she can't walk downstairs to throw it down the garbage disposal with Derek staying home with her. She is going to ask Derek when he's going back to work later today.

"Derek!!!" She called out. Derek had put a baby monitor in the room to make sure that he could always hear Meredith calling for him from upstairs. He wanted to make sure she didn't try to get up to search for him.

Derek heard his name being called and walked upstairs to Meredith.

"Hey Mer, need anything?"

"I want you. Will you lay with me?" She sweetly asks.

"Of course I will." He gets into bed with her. "I see you've gotten a ton of blankets out."

"I love blankets. What can I say. It just feels so nice with all of these blankets on."

"Like a weighted blanket." Derek says.

"Exactly!" She says, with a huge smile on her face.

"You've been doing okay? I know you've been upstairs by yourself a lot lately. I'm so sorry I've been busy with paperwork downstairs lately. Richard has been having be do all of this paperwork for him since I'm not at the hospital."

"Yeah. I'm good. But Derek, you should go back to the hospital. I know you miss doing surgeries." Meredith knows he misses working and wants him to be happy and not have to worry about her.

But she also has an ulterior motive to having him go back to work. Derek being back at work would allow her to exercise more and without worrying if she'll get caught and would allow her to go downstairs to throw food away.

"I need to stay with you Mer. You can't get out of bed so I need to help you with getting you food and whatever else you need."

"I just feel bad. I'm keeping you from doing what you love. I know how badly you want to cut. I want to cut so badly Derek." She says.

He just thinks she's referring to surgeries when in reality she means surgeries and self harming. "I miss being at work and I can't wait to be back in surgery. So you should take advantage of being able to do that! I love you Derek and I want you to be happy."

"Don't feel bad Meredith. You're my girlfriend and I want to help you. And Richard is fine with me taking a leave to help you recover."

"I just..." Meredith trails off.

"You what? You can tell me."

"I just don't want to hold you back. I'll be fine. Maybe you can prepare stuff in the morning and then I can grab it during the day. And maybe if it doesn't have to be refrigerated it can be brought upstairs already before you leave."

"I'll think about it okay Meredith?"

"Okay." She says, smiling up at him.

They continue laying in bed together for a while until Derek has to go do more work downstairs.

"I'll come check on you in a while." He tells her.

"Okay, I'm gonna take a nap." She says, laying down in bed.

"Have a good nap." He kisses her forehead. He starts to walk out of the room.

"Wait!" Meredith calls out. "You need to give Dr Bear a goodnight kiss also! He's gonna take a nap too."

Derek walks back over and kisses her bear. "Okay, get some rest now." He leaves the room and closes the door.

Meredith throws her covers off of her and gets out of bed. She gets on the floor and starts doing crunches.

"One, two, three." She counts out her crunches as she does them. "Ten, eleven, twelve." She does crunches for a little while and then switches to doing bicycles with her legs. By this point in her workout she is sweating.

She feels a pain in her injured leg but chooses to ignore it.

She gets up and starts walking around the room with her crutches. She walks back and forth for a while. "Ow, my leg hurts." She continues to walk through the pain. Her disordered thoughts tell her to keep walking if she wants to get skinny and to just ignore the pain.

She decides to weigh herself after she finishes her workout. She goes to the bathroom and takes her clothes off and goes to grab the scale from its spot but discovers it isn't there. "Where's the scale?" She panics and starts to cry. "I need the scale. I need to see if I've lost any weight yet." She searches everywhere in the bathroom and their bedroom and eventually finds it in the back of their closet. "Phew." She lets out a sigh of relief and wipes away her tears.

She brings the scale to the bathroom and steps onto it. She feels a sense of accomplishment when the number comes up showing she's lost weight. Only a little bit but it's still something.

She feels hungry after her workout but ignores it. "I don't need food. If I want to get skinny I need to eat less. Ill just sleep to ignore my hunger. I'll be okay. It won't be like last time."

I hope you liked!!! Let me know if you have any suggestions!!!