We're more alike than you think

9. Suppress your memories

Your hands started to shake as you could feel the vibrations linger between your fingers, starting to remember how good the metal made you feel. The power it gave you. You lost control of your own nerves, as the memories with the Winter Soldier came rushing back like a train wreck. James noticed how your hands were shaking and immediately grabbed both your hands claiming you down enough for you to get a grip on the reality. You let go of his hands as you looked up at him shocked. "Promise me James, we will never talk about this again" you said without blinking an eye.

"I'm sorry Dr. Raynor, but I really have to go." you said as you already ran out the door and into the closest bathroom. Your back leaning towards the wall as you could feel your body sink ground. It felt like you had done something wrong and your body was sending you all kinds of mixed messages. You didn't even move anything with your powers, but for a short minute you had let yourself slip into connecting with it. You stared down at your hands, trying to find some form of inner peace within yourself and just breath out. It was not your fault and nothing really happened. Everything you felt on the inside, was chaos that you had created, meaning that you could control it.

You got out of the station and James, surprisingly let you be. He didn't say anything and gave you space. Still with every move you took it was one step farther away from James and one closer to Sam. It just felt safer, but that feeling got cut short when you heard a siren from behind. Of course, it had to be the new Captain America and his partner Battlestar. Sometimes you wondered if the world could ever leave you alone, but then you would remember that exact feeling of being alone and instantly take back the thought. It was better to feel pain than being alone.

"I really don't like him." you mumbled as the three of you turned away slowly walking down the street. "Finally something we can agree on," James said with a little smile. Sam kept quiet, but you could see that he was deep in his own thoughts. "So what are you guys thinking?" he asked.

You looked up at him with a weak smile. "I don't know how, but we need to find Karli Monghathau, and we need to do it quickly" you said softly before you added "I don't trust Walker."

"Well, I know what we have to do... When Isaiah said 'my people'" James started as the two of you looked up surprised up at him "Oh, don't take that to heart. That's not what he meant." Sam said to James, making sure no feelings got hurt, but you couldn't wait to hear what the cyborg had up his sleeve.. "No, he meant HYDRA... HYDRA used to be my people." You stopped dead in your tracks looking up confused at him, but Sam clearly understood and had feelings about whatever James was talking about.

"Not a chance!" Sam shouted back at James.

"Walker doesn't have any leads." James shot in.

"I know where you're going with this, no!" Sam dismissed him again.

"Guys, what are you talking about?" You asked desperately trying to follow their conversation. It was helpless. You felt like they were talking in codes, and it wasn't even spy codes, it was like two teenage girls at a party talking in codes with each other in fear that their crush could understand them.

"He knows all of HYDRA's secrets." James continued, before looking down at you. "Heard of Siberia?" he asked as you gave him a nod "Of course, Ton..." more couldn't you say before Sam cut you short. "I can't believe you wanna do this, we can't trust him Bucky" Sam snapped as he looked away. That's when you understood who they were talking about and your stomach dropped. James had nothing to say and this wasn't your place to speak, even if you felt a desperate urge to scream out how much of a bad idea this was.

"Okay then, we're gonna go and see Zemo." Sam whispered.