We're more alike than you think

23. Bucky

"Shut up Bucky, you know Tony was right, especially in my case" you said with a harsh tone to him. You knew what Bucky thought. He thought Tony had something against all powered people, but it wasn't that simple with you. Tony had nothing against Charles or Storm for example, but you were more complex.

"Because of your father" he mumbled as he tried to remind himself of what I had told him in the past. You stood up and walked towards the alcohol. You didn't care that you already had a bottle in. You needed more, you deserved more. You opened the bottle when Bucky took it away from you. "You need to stop hurting yourself like this." he said and looked at you dead serious. "Sam told me about it," he added. You cursed low to yourself. Okay, so now you knew you couldn't even trust Sam, since he seemed to think that talking to Bucky about your personal issues was a good idea.  You looked away from him.

"Bucky, I can handle it." you said waiting for him to give you the bottle. You noticed that a small smile was curling up on his lips. You rolled your eyes at him. "What is it?" you asked annoyed and looked back at him.

"I just noticed that you called me Bucky." he said with a warm smile looking over at you. You so badly wanted to hit him so hard for being such a dork, but instead you chose to use your powers for good, altering the magnetic field to control Bucky's arm to steal back your drink. You opened it and took a sip before you walked over to the couch.

"That's not fair!" he shouted while following after you. He sat down on the opposite side of the couch. You took a sip of the bottle before you pointed it at him. "Exactly, that's why I'm not doing it anymore" you said to him. It was one of many reasons. For some their powers were a blessing, for others... a burden. When you were little you always heard the grown ups talk about the importance of being proud of yourself and your powers, but what was it really to be proud of? You looked over at Bucky who seemed to be deep in his own thoughts, he almost seemed a bit lost. He than sat closer to you and took one of your hands

"Isn't it hard? Isn't it hard for you to suppress your powers like this?" he asked a bit confused.

You thought about the question for a while. Nobody had ever asked you about it before, how it felt. It was always a demand from somebody else that you had to cut it or do it, nobody cared for your own personal feelings. You laid  your head on the couch.

"When you deny something long enough, you kinda get used to it" you said and released how empty you felt inside. It was uncomfortable to admit that you struggled, it made you feel naked and vulnerable, without protection.

Bucky looked at you with caring eyes before he leaned over and snapped the bottle out of your hand. He moved so he sat towards you on the couch and took gently one of your arms in his left metal arm. You could feel the vibration between you and the metal. It had been over seven years since you had let yourself alter metal properly, so every vibration from Bucky's arm felt fresh and tingly.

"It's okay" he whispered and gave you permission to alter it. You looked up at him a bit surprised and then looked back at his hand. You could feel your hand starting to shake a little, just because of how nervous you were. Slowly you started to move your fingers, so his fingers would mirror your movements. You started to laugh and your eyes was glowing with excitement. The tingly feeling made you feel so good.

He smiled weakly looking at how excited and peaceful you were at the same time.

"You know, the whole arm thing... believe it or not has scared many people away." he said and you looked up at him while making small movements. "And to be honest, it often makes me a bit insecure," he continued. You looked at him with a sad expression on your face, but letting him know that he could talk to you "but I always liked that for you, the arm was almost a form of safety and comfort." your hand stopped moving as you took your time to just look at him properly. You didn't fight, you didn't ignore each other, it was peaceful and you wanted to remember this moment.

"Can you try to make me sound more like a psychopath?" you asked with a soft chuckle. He looked at you with a laugh

"I mean, sometimes it even scares me, but at least with you I could feel comfortable" he admitted. You looked at him a bit surprised before you leaned over him to take both his hands in yours. skin against skin, and metal. You smiled a little looking down at your hands. "You have no reason to be afraid, Bucky." you said and straighten up as you tried to hold back tears "even back then, you would break through the Winter Soldier and show kindness" you said and looked up at him. This cost you a lot, to be this open with him. "I can even admit that in between all the bad we did, we had some good moments" you said softly. Bucky smiled at you, it was like watching a hundred tons get lifted off his shoulder in relief of what you just had told him. "And I had less of a drinking problem" you added as the two of you laughed.

"Enough about me, what have you been doing since you know.. the blip? Sam told me you haven't exactly taken his calls."  you asked and opened his arms before you and laid down beside him, taking his arm around you. He smiled weakly and moved you softly closer to him. You took that as a hint that he didn't despise the idea of you being close to him. You didn't wanna party, right now you just needed some quiet time together with somebody else.

"My therapist became my best friend, and as you saw she doesn't like me very much.. guess it's fair since i don't really like hanging out with her." he said with a chuckle. You laughed at him. It almost made you happy that you weren't alone in feeling hopeless and confused after the blip.

"I even got so desperate that I tried this whole online dating thing." he mumbled. You looked at him shocked "You did whaaat?" you said  eagerly surprised. Bucky blushed and just pulled your head into his chest so you couldn't see it. You immediately started to imagine how his profile would look like. How would he deal with the whole age thing? He got the soul of a 107 year old man, but a body like a super healthy 30rd year old.

"I ended it quickly, okay? It was way more complex than I thought" he said with a laugh and let go of your head so you could finally face him. You smiled at him. "Relax, I like that you tried." you said and held one hand on his chest. He looked down at you with a nervous smile almost before asking "What about you and Zemo?" he asked curious.

"Bucky shut up. It was work, you know how it goes" you said and tried to run away from the question as quickly as you got it. You couldn't help but laugh seconds later. You immediately looked away from him, you bet your under lip a bit unsure about what to say.

"Just be careful, he seems to have a good eye for you" he said and brushed a finger down your cheek. You knew he meant well, but you couldn't help but feel like a little baby in his arms.  However, you agreed to what he said about Zemo. It was maybe all fun in games, but deep down you knew the man had some serious issues. Zemo had this picture of how the world should be, but he had no knowledge about what he was looking at. You stared up at the wall.

"Imagine how fast he would pull the trigger on me if he knew what I was" you whispered to yourself. You hadn't even thought about it before.

Bucky saw how shocked you were at your realization, he took a finger under your chin moving his face towards him. "He will never find out, and if he does, Sam and I'll take care of him before he even reaches his gun" he said with a little smile before kissing your forehead. You smiled weakly looking out at the room.

"I like this Bucky, us talking." You said quietly.

"Me too." he whispered before the two of you fell asleep on the couch.