We're more alike than you think

79. Over Again

"Are you sure about this?" Sam asked with his arm around your waist supporting you.

Of course, you weren't. You stood still staring at the door in front of you. On the other side of the door, your father laid who you hadn't seen in years, or at least while being conscious. You knew that you had hurt him badly and even if you weren't proud of it, you understood why you were doing it. Understanding the reason behind your behavior made it easier to live with. You had no clue what you would even say to him. You were not gonna say sorry, but you didn't wanna fight. Tony always told you to follow your heart and the only thing you knew was that you felt like you had to talk with your father. You looked back up at Sam and gave him a little nod.

"No, but I know I have to" you whispered. He smiled weakly at your decision and knocked and opened the door. You walked into the room, Sam helping you every step on the way. Charles stopped dead in his tracks when he saw you enter the room. He held clout full of blood in his hands.

'i'm sorry you thought out loud, letting him into your mind.

He was surprised, you never had let him in on your own before, but he was glad you trusted him.

"Uhm, your father is sleeping right now, but please sit down," Charles said softly and pointed his finger into the bedroom section of the room. You gave him a small thankful nod and walked together with Sam to the bedroom. You stared at the floor the whole way. You didn't wanna see your father before you sat down and were ready for it. You sat down in a chair right beside the bed. You could feel your heart racing and Sam who stood right behind you noticed how nervous you got. "It's fine if you wanna lea.." he stopped the second you grabbed his hand and looked up at your father.

He was badly injured. You may not have killed him, but you could see you were dangerously close. He had cuts all around his face from what looked like came from glass pieces, and massive bruises from when you fought him. Truth is, you didn't care about any of it, cause this was the first time you had seen your father in peace since your mother died. It looked like he wasn't fighting anymore, but laid down his weapons. You looked down at your own hand, you had marks on it from fighting him. You took a deep breath and tried to sort out your own thoughts.

"I am sorry y/n"

You immediately looked up at your father who slowly opened his eyes. His voice was deep, rusty but clearly still in pain. Everything you felt on the inside was so conflicting. You felt sick to your stomach seeing your own father beaten up by your hands, but after years of him being physically and mentally abusing you, it was some sense of relief behind it all. It was like the little girl inside of you now could breathe knowing that you could protect her. Protect yourself from him.

You didn't know what to say to him. Maybe you should've planned this better before you walked in on him, but you weren't sure that would help anything. You had to simply live in the moment. Let your walls fall down. You let go of Sam's hand and gave him a nod that everything was okay, that he could leave the two of you. He looked a bit unsure at you, but you smile weakly confirming that you meant it. You laid both your hands on your lap. You looked back up at your father who turned his face towards you so you could see his pierce ocean blue eyes again. You smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry for you" you whispered.

He couldn't help himself but smile a little just by hearing your voice. It was soft and yet you could hear the stubbornness he liked to think you got from your mother. He didn't care about what you had done to him. He knew he deserved it. No matter how much he wished he could make up for his past with you, it was no chance for him to at least come close to forgiveness. Maybe this way you at least got out some of your frustration and anger with him out of your body, making it easier for you to move on.