I sat at he edge of Jahseh bed, playing on my phone. I mean I'm only in his room now if he's not here or there's too many people here. I'm ready to go home but I literally can't. My mother is setting up all the stuff for the new house and she said she'll come get me when it's time.
She's been checking in and sending me money though. I want to go with her because I just don't feel comfortable here anymore. I don't want to stress her out with both of us staying at someone's house though.
"You okay?" Jahseh asked me making me look up and nod at him.
It's been maybe a week since he smacked me and I refuse to be smacked again so I do my best to stay out the way.
Out the way=room Room=no talking No talking=no more arguing
As long as I do what I need to until it's time for me to leave I should be fine.
"You hungry?" He asked me, laying behind me and kissing my back.
I shook my head "thank you" I spoke and he nodded.
"You been quiet" Jahseh told me making me nod.
"I don't really feel like talking" I spoke before he took my phone from me making me sigh.
"What's wrong?" He asked me and I shook my head.
"I'm just in my feelings, can I go back to playing my game now?" I asked and he shook his head.
"Talk to me" he told me, pulling me back on him by my stomach.
"I don't know what you want me to say? I want to go home and I can't because my dad died and now my mom just completely doesn't want the house anymore. So I have to sit in your room so I don't do anything wrong until I can go home" I told him what was on my mind, well the tip of the iceberg of what's been on my mind.
I'm aware that what I'm taking from Jahseh is very embarrassing and I shouldn't be letting it happen but I can't stop it.
I'm not sure why not. I stand up for yourself but then he'll tell me something and I shut myself down, doesn't matter if I know he's wrong I just get quiet and agree.
"If you and Stokeley weren't so friendly you could go downstairs, y'all just don't stay out of each other's face" he told me.
I began to talk back because I don't want Stokeley and I think it's very rude of him to think of me like that. I would never fuck any of his friends.
"Okay, sorry" I spoke and he nodded.
"Can I have my phone back?" I asked and he nodded, handing it to me.
I sat back on the bed and started to scroll through Instagram, thinking. I miss my dad and my home. Mostly my dad though. It's really unrealistic for this to have happened. Everything just seems so fake right now.
My dad died and I have a controlling ass boyfriend. Cute.
I need to stand up for myself but literally I suck ass at it. He says shut the fuck up then guess what? I'm going to shut the fuck up. Not because he said it but because of the confrontation that would come from it.
I've had to say something to him multiple times and each time just gets me in a worse situation. So why would I keep saying something?
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