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Waking up I could feel my body throbbing which is probably what woke me up. It's been a month now but I still can't sleep properly and I don't have Jahseh so I constantly wake up panicking but my mom doesn't care.
She took my phone because she found out we were still talking, she said restraining order she didn't say no contact. So now I haven't heard from him or been near him 3 weeks. 3 long painful weeks.
"Mija you can't stay in your room forever" my mom told me making me look up.
I shook my head and tucked myself back in my covers.
"I know you miss him but it's for the better" she told me and I shook my head.
"The better for who?" I asked her.
"For you, so you'll stop hurting. Your feelings and your body have been hurt repeatedly" she told me making me sigh.
"Can I at least talk to him?" I asked her and she shook her head.
"He makes you weak Amia" she told me and I shook my head.
"I don't understand why you won't just let me be in love" I cried making her sigh and sit beside me on the bed.
"No estás enamorado bebé, estás asustado, estás traumatizado y asustado y lamento haber dejado que esto te suceda" she apologized and I shook my head.
(A/N You're not in love baby, you're scared, traumatized and scared and I'm sorry I let this happen to you)
"Im not scared right now mama, I just want want Jahseh!" I yelled at her.
"I don't know why y'all are taking him from me!" I screamed at her more, standing up.
"Mija he's going to kill you if we don't" she told me, trying to sit me down but I shook my head.
"He's not! Stop saying that!"
She sighed and pulled me into a hug "Mija please calm down and listen" she told me and I shook my head.
"I want Jahseh" I cried and she sighed.
"All he's going to do is hurt you mija" she told me making shake my head and get away from her.
I walked to my closet and put on my shoes before my hoodie.
"Where you going?" She asked me, following me.
"To Jahseh" I told her making her try to grab but I pulled away.
"No!" She told me, blocking the door.
"Why not?!" I yelled at her, beginning to cry again making her huff.
She didn't answer so I tried pushing past her but it wasn't working making me cry harder. Fuck man I just want to go see him.
He's going to replace me if I don't and I don't want to be replaced I want to be a part of his life. I want him to love ME not some other bitch.
Thinking about it made my chest tight so I sat down, curling myself up.
"Shh it's okay" my mom told me and I shook my head.
"You won't let me see him, he's going to leave me" I told her.
"It's for the better if he does."
I shook my head "no one else will love me."
Update
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