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Today was one of my bad days. I felt useless and like I should just get rid of myself. I didn't want to act on my thoughts though because I mean, I didn't feel like it. I'd have to get up and find the stuff to do it and I didn't feel like doing that.
I want to do something with my life because this isn't it. This is not the way I planned on my life going right now, I'm not even supposed to still be in this state.
"Amia, you okay?" Jasmine asked me, coming into the room.
I nodded at her and watched as she sat beside me making me sit up.
"You don't seem like it" she told me, starting to play in my hair.
"Maybe you just need some fresh air, a girls day out" she told me making me tilt my head.
"What would we do?" I asked her.
"Get our nails done, I could do your hair, we could go shopping, get some food. You know that type of stuff" she told me and I nodded.
"I understand what we could do but I'm broke Jasmine" I told her and she nodded.
"It's okay, don't worry about it I'll pay" she told me and I shook my head.
"I can't let you do that."
"No I insist" she told me but I still shook my head making her sigh.
"Okay well at least get out of bed, I'll do your hair" she told me, pulling me up out of the bed.
Once I was standing up I sighed but she held a smile on her face.
"See it's not bad" she told me.
I shook my head "I want to lay down" I told her and she nodded.
"I know but I can't just let you sit in here depressed" she told me and I nodded.
She lead me out of the room, walking down the hall into her and Trippie room. She took me into the bathroom where her hair products were and sat me down.
"Why don't you take care of your hair?" She asked me before taking it out of the bun making it fall all over my face.
I shrugged "I used to, I just don't see a point in it lately" I told her and she nodded, beginning to spray my hair before she brushed it out.
I just let her do what she was going to do with it, not really caring.
"What's bothering you?" She asked me and I shrugged and giggled.
"A lot of things are bothering me" I told her honestly and she nodded.
"I'll listen if you're willing to talk" she told me and I nodded.
"I just don't really feel important right now" I told her and she nodded.
"Why?" She asked and I shrugged.
"I feel like I should be doing something more with myself you know? When I was with Jahseh I didn't really have that feeling because he basically took care of me but now I need to take care of myself" I told her and she nodded.
"Yeah he took care of you financially Amia but think about what he'd done to you" she told me and I nodded.
"I know."
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