Being alone makes me feel, I don't know, empty now. I loved it before but now it's brings me into a depressing state. I've never cried so much about nothing before. If my toe touches the ground weird I cry and it's annoying.
I need to be around Jahseh again.
I don't know, maybe that's not a good idea. Ever since he's given me space he's been acting weird. Like really weird. He follows me everywhere, I don't think he knows that I know.
But every time I decide to go somewhere instead of sitting in the house crying I see his car. It's never like up and personal but I can see it so I've started to play spot the car when I'm out in public.
I sighed as I decided to just give it up and text him. I need him right now.
I miss you Delivered
I sighed as I sat and waited on a text back, beginning to get a queasy feeling in my stomach.
I miss you too baby Read 2:30 am
Can I come over? Delivered
I'm otw Read 2:30 am
I smiled as I stood up and started to get ready for him to get me. My moms not here because we'll fuck she's just never here.
Well it's not her fault she's picked up two jobs now to make sure everything is paid. I've tried to tell her I'd help by getting a job myself, I mean I've already graduated so it wouldn't affect my school or the money but she told me no. She told me it wasn't my responsibility.
I snapped back from my thoughts when I heard the doorbell ring before going downstairs and opening the door for Jahseh. I eyed him as he entered before hugging him tightly.
He chuckled and hugged me back "oh you actually meant it this time?" He asked and I nodded, taking in his smell.
He's mean as fuck to me at times but I did miss him, it made my body feel tingly.
"You want to come stay with me?" He asked and I shrugged.
"If it's okay" I told him and he nodded.
"You know it's okay" he told me and I nodded this time, going back upstairs.
I grabbed my things and began to pack them so I could go with him. I've never been this excited to be around him.
What happened?
Whatever it is I don't mind, as long as he doesn't fuck it up. But it's Jahseh he's going to fuck it up. He finally makes me happy and I know he'll fuck it up.
Let's not focus on this right now, let's focus on the now.
"Did you enjoy your time?" He asked me and I shrugged.
"It was okay" I told him.
It was depressing, very depressing. I don't enjoy my company anymore like I used to. I don't feel comfortable with myself anymore.
"You ready?" He asked me and I nodded so he took my bag from me.
I followed behind him and to the car. The ride to the car was silent as he rubbed my thigh which made me feel comfortable.
Well fuck I'm fucked up in the head right now. I don't understand it, this isn't me. I used to like my own company and I shouldn't be comfortable right now in a car with a man who repeatedly abused me and cheated on me.
I shouldn't be but I am and I'm fine with it, he loves me and is the only man that's even showed me that besides my dad who was also abusive to my mom so maybe it's not that bad.
I love him.
He's the only person I've ever loved outside of my family.
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