At the moment my mind pondered with thoughts even though I was surrounded by people. They didn't matter anyway, I didn't want to slip up and get myself in trouble again trying to talk too much.
I wondered if Jahseh was right. He's never went out of his way to hurt me, he only does it when I've done something. Like a parent with a bad child but this is much worse.
Maybe that was his way of love.
He says he loves me but he hurts me , I'm just tired of being hurt. Like right now I was sick to stomach because I was in so much pain. I didn't even want to be in public.
I felt like everyone here knew and that's embarrassing. People knowing that he beats me because I break rules like I'm his child.
"Why you always so quiet?" Dj spoke making me look up.
This is a music event so it makes sense for Dj to be here since he produces some of Jahseh's songs.
I shook my head at him but he still sat beside me which made my heart thump.
"Aye I heard some shit about you and X" he told me but I still didn't want it to be clear that I was paying attention to him.
"He be hitting you?" He asked me and I shook my head, trying to find Jahseh with my eyes.
"Nah? Ight but why you only talk to him?" He asked me more questions making me sigh.
"You sure he don't be hitting you?" He asked again and I nodded.
"I don't know that shit strange, I've been around you a lot and you never say nothing no matter how much I talk. You do it with all the guys and Stokeley said he heard some shit a couple times" he explained.
"If he hurting you just say something, you can get away from him" he told me and I nodded.
He smacked his teeth and stood up "don't let that nigga kill you" he told me before walking off.
Kill me? Jahseh wouldn't kill me right? I don't know he might if I do enough stuff.
Fuck.
Jahseh might kill me.
I stood up and grabbed my things before walking outside. I don't even know where the hell I am. I'm not from here but I'm scared and this isn't helping.
I sighed to myself as I decided to get in Jahseh's car, instantly crying.
I wish I had someone to talk to right now but I don't. I can't talk to my mom because she'll take me away from Jahseh which honestly I should just let happen. I don't know he might be able to lie himself out of this one too.
I don't have any fucking friends or anything. Right now I just have me.
Someone opening the door made me snap out of it and then look up to see Jahseh.
"What's wrong?" He asked me which made me shake my head.
He sucked his teeth and stood up, looking around before looking back at me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you Amia?" He asked me, more hostile which made me cry more.
"Please don't hit me" I spoke making him roll his eyes and move from my door.
He slammed the door and then walked around the car, getting in which made me back up.
"You was talking to a nigga in there?" He asked me, starting the car.
I shook my head, wiping my tears.
"If you were you should tell me now because if I find out later I'll be pissed" he told me and I still shook my head.
"I wasn't, I promise" I whimpered and he nodded.
"Good because I don't know how much more of this shit I'm going to let slide."
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