Turning Table

Part 3

Part 3

***None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.***

🌹Rosseta🌹

One of the best things about being free is to be able to walk around the house as naked as I please, ass out, with not a single care in this world.

I love it. I feel free, unconfined, unrestricted.
Today was my first time my clothes come off with no fear, I feel like I'm shedding some sort of unnecessary weight in my emotions, as well. Something about my aura just feels lighter.

I walk around and I froze, smelling a cloud of cigarette smoke in my house
Me: you still here?"
Her: God damn it women go put on some damn clothes! "
I walked to her and took her cigarette from her mouth I set on the opposite seat and folded my legs looking at her

Me: there is money on my bed who's it from? "
Her: it all the money you refused to take while you were in prison "
Me: was it suppose to buy me freedom? "
Her: more like buy you protection !"
I took a puff of my cigarette and looked at her, she was only on her bra, and jeans, busy nursing her stab wound
Me: where is he?"
Her: God damn it Rosy how many times must I say, I don't Know!!!"

I raised my eyebrow looking at her, She breath out loud
" two and half years ago business went wrong, Oyama thought he will beat the system by blackmailing some tech billionaire... But on the day when his plan was supposed to take off he was ambushed, a Lot of people died and some ended in a federal prison in a foreign country "

Me: and him ? "
She sigh
"He vanished, I haven't seen or talked to him since few days before that night of the ambush "
Me: if that the case then, what is the real reason you here?..."
She laughed, shaking her head...
Her: same reason, I constantly visited you in prison even when you refused to see me in all of my attempts "
Me: you under Oyama's pay role Ginger, you are paid and told what to do for him, so tell me what the fuck are doing here?!"
Her: Rosy...I'm not your enemy, I know you don't trust me or anyone at this point but please believe me when I say I did what I had to do back then because I was afraid of him, but what I did for you was because I wanted too,
As a woman, God knows I feel your pain for what that busted did to you"

Me: Ginger shut up! I don't want to hear it! ... You don’t know me. You have this image of me in your head. It was created the second you saw me. Maybe you saw my clothes, or my shiny car, or maybe an expensive piece of jewelry. If you think you can pull a Sherlock and tell me my life story, I dare you to try.

You know nothing about my scars. You know nothing about the demons I keep barely tied back. You know nothing about the way I grew up. You. Know. Nothing. About the life, I left with that man!

I don’t care how well you think you know me. You don’t understand the capacity and level at which I feel pain... I guarantee that you don’t understand everything going on inside my head. I won’t make claims to understand what’s going on in yours. You don’t know me, or my demons.

These chips on my shoulder are there for a reason. I’ve earned them in one way or another. I’m cold and bitter because it’s how I face the reality of the world. . .So get the fuck out of my house before this house become a murder scene "

I stood up on my birthday suit, she swallowed looking at me,  The pain I feel is hard to hide,
I'm sadder and sadder as the days pass by,
It like part of my soul has died,
I've lost everything I love,
I never have someone to talk to,
And when I do I don't feel like talking,
Stress hate sorrow and more rage build up,  No one knows my true pain, I feel like there's nowhere to hide, with this bleeding heart of mine, I hate my life more and more as time goes by,

I took few steps to my bedroom but stop in shock as she said:
" Pat is dead "
She sniffs crying, I just stood there giving her my back
Her: the day of the ambush she was caught, arrested, and got a life sentence but for my immunity, he made a deal with HAWKS and the state attorney he gave out few names of other people that worked him and Oyama, but the next morning he was found butchered in his cell before he made a formal statement"

She continued to cry

Her: he killed my Husband Rossy!!... Oyama killed him"
I turned and looked at her
Me: we were both married to notorious drug lords, in my books you were another doll face in Pat's arm ... I never considered you as a friend back then and I rather die than be your sympathetic friend now!...sorry to hear about your husband, now pick your sorry ass up and get the fuck out !!"

I made my way to my bedroom, I stooped there and looked at my bed which had a bag full of money,
I took the bag and shoved it inside the closet,  I looked at my closet that had my old clothes lining up,  everything inside my closet screamed Mrs. Oyama!

I started walking around trying to control my racing thoughts, but they took the best of me, I'm thinking about all the night he came to bed smelling sex and cigarette, all the time he manipulated me, all the time he hurt me intentionally with no care or what so ever,
" Keep that mouth shut when I am  talking to you "
How he used to smack me around as if that was not enough he had to take my life and locked me behind bars once he was done with it.

I found myself screaming so loud !!!
" Fuck you for making me a shell of women!! . . .Fuck you for making me question my own value and self-worth!!!. ...Fuck you for making me question my entire relationship with myself!!  ...Fuck you for making me feel like I had it all figure while you were in control of my life, ....!! Fuck you for making me feel guilty that I can’t keep up the facade forever and pretend like everything is fine.!! ...Fuck you for making me stress out and try so hard to make you love me.!!... Fuck you for making me stay up all night crying after you lay your hands on me!!. . .Fuck you for making my heartbreak as  I consistently spend 100% of my time away from my son! That adores beyond comprehension...
Trying to be the perfect wife to you!!...  Fuck you for taking away my freedom...my identity...my life ... My soul...heart!!!"

I found myself crying hysterically just like the first night I was convicted, my bedroom was a mess the mirrors broke and shattered glass on the floor,  clothes ripped and  scatted all around the floor, I look at my hands, i was bleeding with a mirror piece cutting dip in my skin, i dropped it down and sank on the floor
" Fuck not this shit again !"

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