Turning Table

Part 24

***Get off your high horse **"

🌹Nompumelelo🌹

It's two days to Christmas and I feel like shit,
The day I've been dreading for over three years now, is finally here. I have to see him smile, Even though I saw a little glimpse of happiness in his life, I now know that even today, I won't be able to handle it well and I can not even promise to try, though!

I remember when he kissed her in front of me, I thought I was prepared to stand by and see it all. Turns out, I wasn't. I broke down, and how? Or should why? Because he was the first love of my life and that is something I can never change. I can vividly recall the first autumn we had, when the Universe introduced us to each other and then, there was the horrible split up there was nothing in between no bumps or lips just the beginning and the end.

It's not easy to forget all that we did to each other during the break-up. Safe to say, we both had our moments of anger and heartbreak and so both of us are to blame equally.

But I take the crown for destroying our marriage, I didn't see my husband's value when I should have, because I was too young and naive to understand how relationships work. I am not ashamed to say this, but, if there's anything I could change, I would go back in time and ask him to be with me and do everything to make sure it happened.

When we first met, were each other's support, and, considering our past relationship history I thought we'd work things out, Little did I know he will call it quit and move on for good. 

My face is wet, my throat so dry, I'm looking at Lubanzi Instagram page, his on a holiday with his lawyer girlfriend,
I run my hand on the screen looking at him laugh, I should be the one next to him making him laugh like this, this woman is living my dream.  me and Lu planned to make children after our wedding, have family and when the kids are old enough we can get the chance to play too, travel the world and create memories.

He took her to the Caribbean, the very same place he promised to take me for our 9 years anniversary, but instead of going to an exotic island he served me with divorce papers, I feel tears running down my cheeks as I look at the pictures

They are kissing on a boat, He’s probably taking her to Nevis,
I always wanted to go to that Island,  I bet this woman feels so special right now, and nothing will stop her from giving him plenty of sex every second she gets,  They probably will skip the helicopter ride to Charlestown and decided to spend the day in bed. I held my mouth crying, We used to make so such plans together, and looking at him live his life like this was painful,

Why was I so dumb, I lost such a good man, a good life and now I'm back in this God-forsaken place with this woman playing loud music every morning,

I jumped off the bed and made my way to the living room and switched off the radio
"Hay!!"
She said walking out of her bedroom with only her boyleg panty and vest
Her: I'm listening to that! "
Me: and I have a headache! "
She laughed clapping her hands
Her: ooh I'm sorry mam for disturbing your beauty sleep in this five-star hotel you living in"
She busts out and laughed

Me: What is your problem?"
Her: I don't have a problem but you do "
She walked back into her bedroom, I could not help but follow her
Me: if we going to live together can we at least be civil with one another "
Her: civil you?...sister please, you think way too highly of yourself for that, ...you are living in my house for  free, eating my food and yet you call the short's here as if you the boss..."
Me: I said will pay you rent!! "
She busts out and laughs,
Her: with what money, or are you planning on selling one of your body parts,? Oh wait you can't do that, you love yourself way too much that in your screwed up head you blame instead of admitting "
Me: you don't know me! "
Her: I know you don't have a job! and you spend days and nights crying for the past life you lost why don't you try moving forward and pick your life up...whatever that is left of it"

I looked away

Her:  now get out of my bedroom and use that energy in finding a job, because you like it or not you ow this getto crash women, who are plays loud music every Morning!"

She banged the door on my face and I swallowed and walked back to my room, the walls suffocated me, I have lost so much, my self-control, friends, my dignity, and nearly my life.

I know what I have to do, but it's so hard to break away from that dark cloud that has consumed me.

I feel so lost and so alone, but that's my doing, by pushing people away that are important to me. The only person to blame is myself for making poor choices and ultimately paying the price for my screw-ups, but I can't help myself from making those same mistakes over and over again

I wiped my tears, washed my face, and made my way to the kitchen
" I made you coffee"
I said to Liya as she walked into the room
Her: why?"
Me: Liya I'm trying please "
She sighs and took the cup from my hand
" thank you Nompumelelo"
Me: really? So you not going to stop calling me by my full name? "
She raised her head and looked at me
" it's your name right?"
I side smile and looked at her, she added two more spoons of coffee grains to her cup
Me: wow that is too much caffeine are you applying for an early heart attack or what  "

She yawned and responded
Her: I work 20 hours every day, I only relax on Sunday and I don't even get to relax because I have laundry, cleaning this house, shopping..."
Me: what? "
Her: that is my life... "
Me: why you working so much? I mean you have no kids, not married you don't have a car or mortgage are you in debt?"

Her: Nompumelelo living is a debt and when I grew up I learned that imali impande yesono...so I don't have all those things but I'm paying for being raised...
Me: and yet I thought I had problems, how do you do it?
She smiled and placed her cup on the sink
Her: do what?"
Me: be so free-spirited"

Her: my father used to say, Our sun is just one of the one hundred thousand million stars that make up our galaxy the Milky Way. The Milky Way is only one of the many galaxies in the local group. The local group, in turn, is just one of the thousands of groups and clusters of galaxies which form the largest known structures of our universe.

Now think of your place in that universe. Why are you so preoccupied about what happened yesterday or stressing or dealing with suicidal thoughts or even depression why do you care so much about what others will think of you when you’re an infinitesimal space of existence?... if life gives you second chances embrace it, if not go get it"

I nodded
Her: food for thought...thanks for the coffee I have to go"
Me: sure goodbye"

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