Turning Table

Part 173

**** Have You Heard the News...****

🌷Rosetta 🌷

When I look back at my life There were some days, I found getting out of bed extremely hard. I would wake up, and my mind would race. I would think about how I wanted to go back to sleep or wasn't ready for the day to start. A rapidly developing to-do list made me want to roll onto my other side and go back to sleep.

On those days, before I had even gotten out of bed, I was already overwhelmed, and my mindset was not in a good place.

But this morning there was something different as I slowly opened my eyes, I realized that my mind was not racing, I smiled to myself as I realized that I had a good night's sleep. My heart was beating normally, I had no fear or dreading the new day. This morning my mind was at peace.

As a recovered insomniac, this felt like I was reborn or reawaked to a new life, you see when I was going through insomnia, I went through it alone. I did not even think of asking for help, I was tormented by Oyama abuse, betrayal, all the drama and stress he came with.

No one in my family understood and I got tired of people telling me to just "lie down a bit, rest Rose, you need to stop stressing and sleep "

Ugh!!! WORST ADVICE EVER for people with anxiety.

I did not have 'just' a sleep problem. I had an anxiety problem about sleep that was preventing me from sleeping well. I have struggled with anxiety my whole adult life in some form or another, so it was only a matter of time before it affected my sleep.

My mother used to say, " you don't have anxiety" or "you are not anxious." You are only tired, my child just give yourself time to stop worrying and sleep, yet she was the one who witnessed me have numerous panic attacks that lead to fainting and almost causing a heart attack.

As I set up straight on my bed, I took a moment to remind myself that anxiety really was the root of this problem. There was a lot going on in my life and my mind was racing so much I could not sleep.

With the few outside pressures now resolved, it surprisingly amazing that I had normal sleep again, a beautiful slumber that even took me to dream land, my smile widen as I recall the dream I had,

I dreamt of my late father; in my dream my deceased father was alive. We were in our old house that we used to live in, the smells, the touch, the warmth. In this dream it was like everything was real and he was back to life. The most vivid thing I remember was hugging my dad, saying I missed him and all he did was hold me close. I remembered the feeling of hugging him again, the smell of him, his voice. I felt whole again. Sadly, it was just a dream but damn did that dream lift up my spirit, I took my phone intending to call my mother and noticed that I had about 8 miss calls from unknows numbers, 3 miss call from Sandile, 2 miss call from Zuko and 11 miss calls from my mother, I frowned in shock trying to recall what kind of sleep that I just had, that made me not even hear my ringing phone, so first thing first I decided to call my mother

"Rose, are you ok? ... I have been calling you the whole morning "

Me: morning mom... I sorry for not answering I was fast asleep "

Her: Morning, she says? Hayboo did not you see the time ... its way after 12h00"

me: what! "I held my mouth in shock looking at my digital clock on the side table

Her: finally, she sleeps, is it because of the news Oyama's death that got you sleeping like a baby?"

Me: excuse me ... you said what? "