***Therapy Is Now In Session****
Nompumelelo
I am tired of this dreadful feeling. I feel like there is a dark cloud over my head.
I want it to go away, but the sadness does not disappear.
Although I do not wish to have a visit with the Grim Reaper, I have been having fantasies of death.
I know that it is wrong to dream of death and that God does not like it when people do that.
but whenever I lay on the bathroom floor and sob, I cannot breathe at all, I want someone to help me and hold my hand. Telling me that they will help me through this.
That they won't give up on me, they will stick by my side until I get out of state.
But I have burned all my bridges I have no one... I'm all alone.
The tour of life did not prepare me for this, I knew that in life we strive to rise, stumble Depressed, and forlorn the undulation of unbearable Bliss! Yes, Life is really a journey Some exit, some excel Like pilgrims as we journeyed Though its path no one can tell, Like wayfarers we progressed into Dark cloud on our path, abound The rain, the sun our goal repressed Excruciating pains, still we onward bound but for how long will this pain last?
" mmm, I have seen that look before ?"
Urg I inwardly rolled my eyes as she came closer to block my sun, I swear to God even the cool breeze disappeared after her presence, I sniffed and wiped my tears
"Mmmm don't tell me that the city girl is slowly falling in love with this place ?" she said tilting her head and looking at me,
I swear to God this woman has a dead wish, if only she did not look like Viola Davis, I would have long jumped her, but let's be honest this woman scares the hell out of me, she is dark, tall black, and muscular, she looks, walks and talks like a man, and I know for a fact that she will squash me if I attempted to try her.
Me: in love with this place? that I'm not, but I must say I'm at my most peace here... even though I know that my peace will not last"
I look around and try to find soothing good to say about this place but instead, I feel like throwing up,
Now I understand why migrating from rural to urban resettlement is the most studied human migration pattern, it definitely isn't the only existing one. Considering the pros of urbanization and the excitement that the urban switch stirs, it is understandably confusing that anyone would want to spin the bottle the other way around. I'm talking about the urban to rural area, where Mvelo dumped me, I'm in the boodooze, as in fetch water in the river, collect wood for the fire, sleep in a hut kind of rural...
I know I'm on the run for killing a notorious Nigerian gangster, and as Mvelo said no one will find me here but damn to be dumped in such a place that is just inhumane!
Her: all I'm saying is that give it time it will rub on you " she says making me wipe the frown on my face, I faintly smile at her statement which I know dip down hell will break loser before I find myself coming to terms with this place.
"so are you ready?"
Me: for?"
She raised her eyebrow now that the look that got me biting my nails
Me: ooh yah...of cause " I stammered
Her: ok take to the day when your mother told you that she killed your father."
I looked at her and pop my eye open, there is no hello, or How are you doing today? but she just jump straight to the point!
Me: excuse me ?"
Her: ooh you think I came here to check up on you?"
She busts out and laughs sitting down next to me
Her: Nompumelo this is no place for softies, you have a killer instinct the sooner we deal with that, the sooner will find out what's your killer Cognition"
Me: killer Cognitions? "
Her: yes...you are in Trauma Therapy remember? and I need to determine if your killer Cognitions is hiding under
Guilt - where you have you should have, could have blame...
Or is it,
Shame - you more worry about what my family and friends would think of you if they knew I killed someone
Or if
Self-blame - where you tell yourself you deserve to suffer for killing
Or
Responsibility - justifying an unjustified killing
Or maybe
Loss of meaning - Nothing seems important anymore after or before killing
Or
Contamination and self-loathing or
Remorse/regret
Or it could be you don't trust own anger or rage when you are at your weakest point
YOU ARE READING
Turning Table
FanfictionIt's funny because when you're a little kid, you are under the impression that you can just grow up and go about your life in the same way you always have. When you're a kid, you have this whole perception of who you are going to be. You are too you...
