Turning Table

Part 6

Part 6

***Home is a shelter from storms-all sorts of storms.***

🌹Rosetta🌹

I laid my mother's lap crying I think I have cried before but I have never cried the way I did in my mother's arms, this right here is what we call a mother's love, Her hands held me gently from the day I took my first breath.
Her hands helped to guide me as I took my first step.
Her hands held me close when the tears would start to fall.
Her hands were quick to show me that she would take care of it all, my  mother’s arms are made of tenderness that why I feel at ease and at home in them

Me: I wanted to make you proud ma..."
Her: I know baby. . . I know "
Me: I failed you so much...'
Her: shuuu it's all over now "

I think I married the wrong guy just because I wanted to make my mother proud, all the signs were there about Oyama not being the perfect guy for me, but I ignored them all.

" I remember having a massive breakdown in my car. I was literally screaming, crying, banging on my steering wheel because I felt like I was trapped in this box that I couldn't get out of, that I had created my own coffin. I'd lay in bed at night next to him, dreaming about how this relationship could end without a divorce. Like I used to dream about him possibly dying. That sounds horrific, but it was just my way of surviving... He broke me ma, he took everything from me, my innocence, my life, my son..."

" Rose mntanami...Your Life Isn’t Over Because You Married the Wrong Person, Don’t write yourself off as yet, "
Me: I hate him Ma, he destroyed my life, I want to kill him with my bare hands!!! I hate him so much !!"
Her: my child don't think like that, yes it's normal to have feelings of anger or revenge after separations, especially with what Oyama did to you,  I know you felt betrayed, felt abandoned, degraded, and humiliated, and your sense of femininity was dragged down and hurt. These negative emotions are normal my child, you should worry only if you are unable to displace such hostile feelings. These feelings and anger can make you overreact and strike things or even scream. . . but never let them pull you down to his level you better than that! You are my daughter! You are a survivor! Stand tall!"

She said looking at me wiping my tears, I laid there on her lap while  she brushed my back,  she was only happy to see me, to see me alive and healthy, the rest of what happened she just wanted to put it behind us, I stood up and looked at my son picture's on the wall, he looks nothing like me, but more like Oyama, I ran my hand on the photo

Me: he is so grown up "
Her: yes he is ... "
Me: and so handsome "
Her: he is his father's son "
Me: Is that, a nose ring ?" I said looking closely at his picture

My mother laughed
Her: he even has this ink they call tattoos on his body, "
Me: no ma!"
I said turning and looking at her
Her: it's part of his image that what he told me when I scowled him about it "
I looked at mom all confused
Her: phela he graduated first of his class in a creative arts college, he nows runs the major art gallery in South Africa,  not to mention he has his art gallery... Google him you will see how big your son is now "
I smile with tears in my eyes holding my mouth
Me: he persuaded his dream in art?"
She laughed " yes and he has made a huge name for himself, but yoo ukuhlupha, amantombazane and this thing yako Twitter and Instagram his forever on the bulletins  "
I looked down I failed my son by loving his father more than him, I was never there for him, God what kind of a mother am I?
Me: has...has Oyama at least came to see his son? "

My mother shook his head,
Her: that  husband of yours  loved you and you only Rose, he was not ready to be a father that's why he agreed that your son stays with me "
Me: he turned me against my son..."
Her; I will disagree to that, you did that yourself my child, you were busy trying to change him, to stop your husband from hoering that you  lost yourself along the way "
I dropped a tear feeling shame washing over me

Her: you lost years of your son's life, he was only four the last time you dropped him in my lap, I told you to stay my child because I knew that Behind that makeup, jewelry, and expensive clothes was a shell of a woman,  remember I told you if he does not make you happy leave him, but you chose to stay, for what Rose? Money? ... Status? "
Me: I couldn't leave mom "
I said looking down playing with my hands
Her: ooh Nkosi Yami, he was beating you.... right?"

I held my mouth as tears ran down my face, while a nodded
Him: oooh Ntanami ... "

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