Turning Table

Part 121

***Stress is an ignorant state...***

🌹Rosette🌹

Just the sound of a girl's voice saying 'I'm Oyama's daughter my heart started pounding so hard and fast that I felt like it might explode, while I was gasping for air because no matter how many times I try to fill my lungs, it was not enough. It hurts to inhale; it felt like someone was sitting on my chest.
My skin started crawling as I  start sweating, shaking, and fidgeting.
It felt like if I stop moving, all that pent-up nervous energy will accumulate and I will combust.

I’ve never died before, but what I am experiencing right now feels like I was pretty damn close.
The thing about having an anxiety attack is that it makes you feel like you’re dying but arguably in the worst possible way. It feels like you’re drowning and about to combust into a sizzling spectacular electrical mess.

I screamed as I felt a burning sensation on my fingers
" fuck!"
I said to myself throwing the cigarette stomp out of the window, which was starting to burn my fingers, I was so lost in thought that I even forgot that I lit a cigarette a few minutes ago, And I did not once take one puff

I started fanning the room and opened more  windows since the cigarette was practically engulfing the whole room with smokes
" I know you smoke, but finishing the whole pack of cigarettes in one go will defiantly give you another stroke"
I froze hearing an unfamiliar voice yet familiar
I looked up and I was met by Zuko standing by the door

Me: I did not have a stroke "
Him: mmm"
He said looking away, but remained standing at my door, ok that was a first? ok, what happening hear? Who is this handsome boy and what has he done with my rude son
Me: so how did you know I smoke?"
Him: is that a trick question?... " he said raising his eyebrow and looking at my hands that had a lighter and pack of cigarettes
Me: I...." I ran out of words as I shoved the pocket of cigarettes into my hoody pocket
Him: Rose my bedroom is next to yours, you know sticking your head out of the bedroom window and taking a quick puff does not stop the cigarette smoke from blowing back in the house"
Me: uuuh" I felt a hint of embarrassment washing over me
Him: not to mention that it's  a very awkward position and way too uncomfortable for anyone to smoke like that "

I scratched my head not sure how to respond to that as I found myself standing in this room with No words spoken just me and my son having an awkward moment, his eyes are fixed on mine and I just realized that this is the first time I saw his eyes without a frown or that attitude look he always gives me, now I'm not about to get too excited that I am having a moment with my son because his temper can easily jump from 100 to zero, but this right here is the best moment that  I have longed for, for year's

Him: so how are you feeling? "
He said with a calm familiar but strange-to-hear kind of voice, as he ran his hand on his chin
I was about to open my mouth to say something but he immediately changed and he narrowed his eyebrows, I licked my lips and followed his eyes and they landed on my packed bag on the bed

Him: you leaving? "
Me: uuum yes "
Him: you just passed out not so long ago and now this? "
Me: I am... "
Him: no you are not FINE!, and this thing of you acting strong all the time need to stop! ..."
Me: I don't have a choice"
Him: everyone has a choice Rose, but you are more worried about shit than how this is affecting Gogo"
Me: Zuko, I'm doing what I'm doing to   rebuild my life with you and my mother, If I don't I will lose everything I have worked so hard to rebuild or worst find myself back in prison "

I looked at him
Me: prison? What the hell? "
I bite my lip not sure if I should tell my son about my shady business or fabricate a lie
He bite his lip and looked down
Him: it's because you still married to him right?"
I looked at him and slowly nodded, he looked up pressing his anger and I could tell because this is exactly how Oyama used to do when his business deal fall apart
Him: so what's the plan?"
Me:Zuko... I don't want you involved in this mass"
Him: A mass she calls it! Rose this man is dragging you down his rabbit hole yet again, while I call that a mountain of crap!  you going to politely call it a mass ?"
Me: I know it's too much and that is why I don't want you involved in it!"
Him: Rose I'm not a child cut the bull shit please!!"
I breathe out loud
Me: Zuko I'm trying here to protect you and Ma"
Him: who the fuck needs it!!"