Turning Table

Part 131

“The bitter roots from our past can run really deep, but they can be cut out “

🌹Rosetta🌹

While driving out of my house, just a few miles on the highway my  phone started ringing, I allowed it to ring and it finally connected to the car blue tooth because it was my mother calling me again
" you must be very bored, calling me for the second time, within an hour" I laughed
" Rose "
she answers and my smile slowly fades away, she never calls me by my name unless she is shouting at me or delivering bad news

Me: Ma, what's wrong?"
Her: Rose I swear to God I did not know this "
Ma: know what ma?"
Her: Zuko wishes to meet his father "
Me: WHAT!!!!" I said pressing the brakes, almost causing an accident, but I quickly pulled over on the side of the road
Her:Rose come down"
Me: you told me that the only reason you forced him to  come with me to Durban is to mend our relationship"
Her: that was my initial plan"
Me: looks like your plan backfired how on earth am I supposed to stop him from meeting that vile abuser with no redeeming values!"
Her: Rose, Zuko is an adult, and nothing you say or do can stop or change his mind "
Me: Ma! We talking about Oyama here I can't allow my son to go meet him... "
Him; it's not your choice to make Rose! ...look I know nothing about his relationship with Zuko, but I do know a little bit about life...If your child is headed down a dark path, you can be a light and an example but do not save them from their consequences. Protecting a child from their own mistakes means that you do not think they can handle the situation on their own. If that is what you believe, then you need to admit how you participated in creating the problem..."
Me: but ma!"
Her: but nothing...baby listen to me when I say that The root of all misery is unfulfilled expectations”. Please trust Zuko to approach this with no expectations... Can you let whatever is about to happen, happen... And then feel okay about it.."
Me: feel ok?"
Her: The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them, we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them...his Oyama's son let him find his own path in his lineage"
She did not wait for me to respond but Quickly said bye and dropped the call.

I felt the sword of Damocles hovering above my head yet again and the way it’s moving I feel as if it will soon fall. I’m not sure when and where, but it’s coming straight to me, I run my hands on my face as I feel drained to the core after the phone call I just had with my mother, finding out the true revelation of my sons’ intentions has truly thrown me into the deep end of my desolation.

How the fuck did I end up here, not so long ago everything was going pretty well in life, Work was good, my health was good, my family was good, my love life was good.
And then BOOM!  it all started to crumble –

My past is moving rapidly fast and catching up on me, I  find myself wondering why God placed me with wicked people that only find joy in life when they are bringing me down.  Why is this turn of problems thrown at me all at once?

I defiantly have no strength to fight anymore, my mental state cannot take this anymore, and I don’t know what to do with these past anxieties and mental health issues that have started to creep in again. Lord knows My heart and soul are warned out, not to mention my emotions doing a distant dance away from me, yet again I feel like I’m in this dark hole where I realize that Friends are few and there’s no one really to turn to in this exact time of crisis. I slouch on my car seat as I feel my health and physique deteriorating.

I am in a predicament who do I save first, My son from the evil man I call his father?  my freedom from the evil woman I once called my sister? or the innocent soul who is in search of his identity  - Oyama busted child? I bite my lip as I feel  my anxiety level go sky high